Friday, August 31, 2012

Lentils of my heart!

I do love the lentils, and good thing, really, because I'm going to be eating them for a while. Oh oh oh, so much has happened. Things! Other things! Plus I coulda DIED and stuff!

I got those two teeth pulled and then one went all dry socket and got infected and I didn't really know, but I did know I felt horrible and dizzy and weird. And I took my temperature and it was two degrees low! That's a lot, even for me. That was one degree from hypothermia. How weird is that?

Also it hurt like hell, holy yikes.

The dentist was very nice and set me up with killer antibiotics and serious painkillers, even though the pain is already mostly gone since he did his magic gel foam implant thing in the horribly painful lack of tooth.

Now I have to take antibiotics every six hours, which is even worse than every eight, but apparently things were Very Bad. I was super sick. Yowza.

Of course in the midst of being super sick I finished packing the trailer and my brother and I got it out and over to his secondary place, which sounds a lot easier than it actually was. Because it was super hard and took hours and hours. And also we didn't get the hitch on right and the trailer fell off halfway up the driveway. Whoops!

It gouged a deep ditch in the (dirt) driveway, but the plow does worse. I had to dig a hole underneath the tongue to get the jack under it and jack it up so we could put it back on the hitch. Properly this time.

Except the right blinker didn't work, which is when we discovered the tongue fell *on* the wiring. But I fixed it with my trusty blue cutter and some scotch tape. All the other tape was either packed or gone. I just had to strip the wires and twist them together but now I have another sibling observing my battlefield mechanical fixing aptitude so that's kind of cool.

Then the trailer managed to shift its contents slightly such that one fender cut into one tire. It started out tipped more the other way so that's alarming.

Basically it's way too heavy and I didn't get around to doing the center cross bracing that I wanted to do, which would have prevented that. Anyway the tire is fine, but I found the whole thing alarming and a lot is coming off that trailer before I move it one more inch.

Also I'm not leaving for a couple of days because a) terrible infection nearly perished untimely, b) because of a I'm not really cleared out of the house yet, but most importantly c) my sister is having us all up to their cabin for a shindig, oh boy!

I'm hoping her dog will teach my dog about going in the lake. Also I expect I will have to spend quite a lot of time in the lake myself with little niece, who is crazy about the water, but who will have only one parent there due to workingness. And that one parent will be chasing little nephew.

I have no idea where my bathing suit is or if it even fits, but I have one of those lycra skort things I wear kayaking and those exercisey wicking shirts ditto, so I can go in the lake in those. Fun times! I hope I can convince Mr. Puppy to go in. I will bring his little life jacket!

The past few days have been spent driving all over creation, dropping things off left and right. Women's shelter, recycling center, humane society, Goodwill, blah blah blah. And yet there are still more things! Too many things! I love my things, truly, but I need to do some ruthless de-thingification. Seriously.

Tomorrow I have to haul the rest of the things (things!) and mow the grass if I'm up to it and not lying about all wan and peaked and waiflike.

It'll be fiiiiiiiine.

I'm missing large portions of this week, I'm alarmed to tell you. For example, when did I get rid of the rug from the living room? It's gone, so I must have, but I don't remember it.

And the dentist today said, "You look familiar," and I said I was just in on Tuesday and he pulled my teeth, but it was only when he looked at my chart that we discovered some other dentist entirely pulled my teeth. I took a lot of anti-anxiety medication, I know, but I have NO MEMORY of this other dentist at all. This dentist took the x-rays a few weeks ago and told me I had to have the teeth out. Him I remembered.

I find that kind of worrying, don't you? And isn't it good I got my brother to give me a ride? Did I mention I got the time wrong by two hours and had to sit in the library downtown doing Online Job? With people! People all around! I am not used to people. Being all peopley and stuff!

My brother has the patience of a saint, let me tell you.

I'm making an absolute vat of lentil soup now. I've been living on ice cream and cottage cheese and cheese cheese. And also apparently spaghetti, which it looks like I made the night of no memory. Though in eating leftovers from it (cold) I discovered I can get Gawain Dog to do that Lady and the Tramp thing of nibbling right up the spaghetti to my face, which is so freaking cute, yay!

What a good boy! We went running around in the woods again today. He loves it so much! It's the REAL dog walk. Leashes are one thing but the two of us running around in the woods together, that's what we were meant to do.

Ah! The soup just blorked up and burned my arm. Add it to the giant screw gouge in my leg (still leaking) and the big old bee sting welt, I guess. Also the dozens of bruises (from corners of things, packing/moving) and the five or six scratches (Mr. Puppy) and it looks like I've been attacked by someone small and sharp equipped with a hammer.

I also managed to drop the drill onto my bare foot bit first but it only made a little gouge.

My mission for the evening is to sit in front of Warehouse 13 and sort out once and for all which clothes are going with me. There have been too many changes in plans and things getting put in and taken back out and put back in and so I've piled everything in the living room and I'm to sit there sorting it out until it's done. There!

I had to get a new immersion blender since my broke a couple of months ago. I mean it broke a couple of months ago but I just got one today. And man! Does it ever look like something you don't want the TSA finding in your luggage! It comes with its own carrying case, too. Isn't that weird? Who carries their immersion blender around? Except for me, obviously. I laughed myself silly when I saw the carrying case. Awesome!

Time to wash the dishes so I can have some soup. Mmm, soup. I know I always say I'm the soup queen but now I'm *really* the soup queen, boy howdy. I imagine I'll be branching out into whole new varieties of soup! Just think of the possibilities. Mmmm!

Happy this and that and whatever, bunnies! Enjoy your soup!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

In case you were wondering...

My forecasts of doom were so far short of reality! Ooooh.

My jaw hurts, of course. I didn't imagine it would hurt this bad. Ow. And I'm sick from the novocaine or whatever-caine they shot in there by the bucketful. And in general I feel quite hungover and miserable.

Last night I did astounding amounts of stuff. Truly. Well, I don't remember getting home, though I do remember spots of the drive, like getting my brother to stop at The Nearest Store so I could buy ice cream. But not getting home, or what I did after that for a long while.

Apparently I took apart my bed frame and disassembled the arms and back of the couch. Good girl! And hauled all the cardboard out to the car. I meant to take it to the recycling today but I am deeply under the weather.

I also remember I did put on the new Warehouse 13 dvd while I was doing stuff but didn't really watch it.

Today's been bouts of packing (good) alternating with bouts of slumping on the backless couch, feeling like death is imminent.

There's an issue with the trailer, in that it's essentially packed but I have *one thing* that won't fit. That is very annoying. It's awkwardly shaped and of course a family heirloom so I can't just fling it away.

What's left to do? Put blankets on top, strap on the cargo netting, and put the big curved headboard over top of everything. Well, I think there's still the ShopVac and two footstools. But that's really truly it. I did a lot today. URGH.

I have horrible blisters from screwing in the cross brace boards. I'm not done yet, either. Oooh. I might just go get more bolts and nuts because I want it braced, but this is far too painful.

Also with the couch frame on top I don't think it'll fit out the garage door. I'm not sure. Hmm.

If I were feeling even 60% of my best I'd be all over this, but right now, ooooof.

I've even done boneheaded things like put the screwdriver down and then zip tie the tarps over it, then have to take them off again to get it. Whoops. See, operating at sub-optimal capacity.

Tomorrow I have a crack of dawn doctor's appointment, then presumably I'll drive back and forth to the place where all things will reside, and also the recycling, though truly I should get the recycling done today. I mean, seriously.

I just have this terror that I'll get rid of all the boxes and then discover that the trailer won't work for some reason and I need them. See?

So what I should do--maybe--is pull the trailer out of the garage and finish up that way. Tomorrow. When I'm more brain-having.

There's also the little matter of packing the car (ha ha ha) and oh yeah, cleaning the house.

I'm very, very tired. And feel sick. Also, the no chewing, that's no joke. I made oatmeal with my usual cut up apples in it today and couldn't chew the apple skins. There is no chewing. Try to chew your food with just your front teeth. You can't do it.

This is like accidental bariatric surgery. I strongly suspect the following will happen:

a) I'm going to become the soup and smoothie queen.
b) I'm going to lose weight at an alarming rate.
c) I'm going to get extremely frustrated with food.

The landlord stopped by yesterday while I was hauling cardboard. I'm 98% sure this actually happened. It was an odd conversation where he said go ahead and leave the fence if I wanted to, leave my new address on the fridge, and he didn't want the rhubarb. I said, Does your wife want it? Because I know she loves rhubarb. And then I found out they got divorced. Dude! I did not know that! But he said someone in the office likes it so he'll give it to her. Strange conversation overall.

But it solves the problem of what to do with the rhubarb and how to give him my address.

This huge gash in my leg just broke open again. Please don't tell me I need stitches. But I probably need stitches. What happened was I was turning the couch frame to work on another side of it and it slid down my leg, except a screw was sticking out so it dug in deep and ripped on the way down. It doesn't hurt, weirdly enough.

It happened right on top of a huge bruise I got from walking into the trailer hitch, so it's all dramatic looking.

Dental drugs plus no-panic drugs plus pain meds seem to leave me in a state of happy energetic drunkenness for hours and hours and hours. I cannot believe I took my whole bed and couch apart and only remember bits of it. I remember the blood burbling out and running down my leg, but it stopped quickly. I know I cleaned it because the alcohol stung and I had a bandaid on it this morning.

I'll ask the meds doc tomorrow whether she thinks I need stitches. She's an MD for goodness sake.

I think if it keeps breaking open that means you need stitches, right? Maybe I can get them to give me a tetanus shot!

Very foggy still, oh well. I'll do what I can tonight and then have to dig in and get the rest done tomorrow.

Probably going to spent the rest of the day on my neglected personal packing, meaning clothes and things that are going with me. Picking up every last thing. Tying tools to the sidebars of the trailer. That sort of thing.

Wish me luck, bunnies! It's a little crazy over here!

Monday, August 27, 2012


Did I mention they're building gigantic new power line pylons like two blocks away? Right now they're making some kind of hideous squealy noise that's making my poor dog crazy. It kind of does sound like a pack of wild dogs being eaten by a Tyrannosaurus. So I guess I get it.

But the whimpering and barking and whining are making me a little bananas.

Also I got stung by a bee on my ribs--the bee went up my shirt somehow--so I keep waiting to die of anaphylactic shock. I mean, not really. But kind of.

I have to take the bed frame apart and fit it onto the trailer somehow. Here's what's left: a bag of bunnies, the trampoline, the sewing caddy, and two footstools. I could get it done in an hour, right? I probably will. Also some kitchen stuff that has to go into the big purple fez reserved for it (and other random leftovers) at the front. But that'll just be a pain in the neck. Because I have to go up the stepladder to put those things in. Don't ask.

It all looks good. I'm iffy on the bed fitting on top. Iffy indeed. I have boundless (and justified) faith in my ability to tie things down to vehicles. I am super good at it. But it might be too heavy or too top-heavy. Round and round, still worrying about this.

However, I decided that as long as the big work is done today, I can wait until Thursday to take the trailer over, which means three more nights on my lovely bed, hurray! I just thought oral surgery plus the skimpy couch twin mattress plus the major stresses of the time seemed like cruel and unusual punishment.

Anyway I'm taking a break because my dog is beside himself and needed some comforting. And I needed to drink some water. And that tea that I made that got me bee stung.

I put the kettle on, then thought, Let's put the Netflix dvd out for the mail! So I leashed up the dog and we went to the mailbox. But then dog was QUITE SURE it was time for a walk, so we went down the dirt road, but then he said, Hey, let's go through the fields! And I said, Okay, why not? So we did. But then halfway through the first field I heard the kettle whistling. And then we started hurrying. And then we got into the field of giant tall ragweed and hurried more, and I had to push the big ragweeds aside that had fallen over the path, and I'm pretty sure that's how I got a bee up my shirt.

I didn't know it was there until I was in the kitchen, turning the kettle off and making tea, and then I felt something crawling on my ribs and brushed at it. And that's when it stung me and I shrieked and tore my shirt off and ran into the bathroom to look in the mirror, where I saw the bee walking on my sweaty exercise brassiere, and knocked it off into the sink and ran water on it. Eeeeeek!

Then I went back to the kitchen and made tea.

Then I jumped in the shower and waited to die. Not really. But again, kinda. It just looks like a great big mosquito bite the size of a quarter right now. In the past it's taken a day or two to turn into a grapefruit. Maybe it won't this time! I really don't want a round of steroids on top of whatever pain pills the dentist gives me. And MOVING. Hello!

Then I noticed the bee had crawled up out of the drain and into the cup that I (paranoidly) had put over the drain itself. JUST IN CASE. Because you know there are zombie bees.

Okay, no. But I was right anyway! Ack!

Anyway I drank the tea and I'm fine and probably won't even die or anything, phew! And now my dog is way less agitated.

He was so upset before, the cat was standing there with his front paws up on the couch, looking at the dog curiously. I would say worried but I'm not sure there was worry there. But there was definitely an awareness of something being up with the dog. But it was the squealy noises from the construction, not my imaginary imminent demise.

Anyway I have an epipen now! Boy, that word looks Greek to me. But sort of bastardized Greek.

I have to take the arms and back off the couch soon so I can strap it down on the top of the trailer. And incidentally use the screws to fix everything in place, which was the plan all along, but I accidentally packed all the screws. Whoops!

Packing the car is going to be interesting. I seem to have about twice as much stuff as will fit. Not sure how that's going to work out.

I'm going to take some benadryl now. And deal with the bee somehow. Maybe with my bug zapper tennis racquet, since it's impervious to water and I feel like a barbarian when I whack it with a shoe and yell, "Die, die!"

I do not have any Warehouse 13 discs at all at the moment. WOE. No books, just my tv on dvd stash. I mailed my essential can't-live-without-them books to myself so they'll be there, without realizing that left me in a house with no books for a week. I have a copy of Liar in the car, though. Maybe I'll read that. Sixteen times.

Wait, no, I have my how to make comics book. Hurray! And no paper. Okay, lined notebook paper. It'll have to do. And no pencils?

I will figure it out.

More tomorrow, with fewer teeth.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Hup hup little bunnies!

Thwarted because I have to do Online Job before getting to the trailer and finishing it up. Also still strangely limp and useless. Hup hup! Where is my energy? Where did it go? I ran like a maniac for what, two weeks? And now I'm just couch fodder.

Well, this will not stand, of course!

And neither will I. Ha ha! Hoo.

Yes yes, the usual Sunday:

Online Job (never takes as long as I think it will)
scrub dehumidifier (BLEAH)
scrub ShopVac
load up the rest of the stuff
pack the stuff I'll have with me

mow the grass
take lawnmower etc. to storage

In fact I'm probably going to store the whole trailer while I visit my mom.

Oh! Whoops. I jumped up and scrubbed the dehumidifier and the ShopVac so they could dry in the sun on the deck while I'm doing the Online Thing. Then I ran around putting all sorts of things where they need to go. In sum: progress! And made tea.

Yes, I'm wavering in my resolve again. Resolve is losing structural integrity! Because of reasons: staying with mom for a while means the trailer will be sitting outside in the sun and rain (and snow?) which is obviously not ideal. And if I lose resolve entirely (the brandishing of adorable children yesterday definitely caused a serious loss of shield strength) then hauling it all the way down the eastern seaboard AND BACK would be insane. Here it could stay in a garage for free.

This only complicates packing because I would keep certain things in the trailer for the long trip but in the car for the short trip. Dear oh dear.

Anyway. I'm working on it. It needs to get done by tomorrow (except the bed) and out on Thursday (with the bed) so I can go get dental doom on Tuesday and spend the rest of the week recuperating. In an empty house. Well, and cleaning. Cleaning and recuperating. Snuggling the housepets. Making soup. That sort of thing.

You want to know what's cool? My clothes fit in two roofrack bags and a duffel. I mean, ALL of them. That is amazing. I shouldn't be surprised having given away six or seven (by now) huge boxes of clothes but I still am. Wow! Cool!

Actually, looking at a trailer that's 4' x 7' x 5' and holds all my stuff (minus books and yarn and clothes) (and boats) is pretty amazing to me. That is a smallish cubic block of space.

Must find ways to strengthen resolve!

Finish O.J., get to work, and if all goes well, get very very close to done. I'm weirdly excited about tying the shovel and rakes and things to the side bars.

I won't mind finishing up these antibiotics today, either, boy howdy. What a complication that schedule added! Sheesh!

Well. Wish me luck! Charge!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Last piece

The end is maybe in sight maybe possibly perhaps!

The last piece is putting the glass-fronted bookcase and the zigurrat in the back of the trailer. And then (the incredibly slow part) filling in all the spaces with all the things.

Basically it's like the trailer is one big box. The furniture all fits nicely in the box--that's not a problem. It's all the other things that have to be carefully tucked in and around everything else. That's what takes forever and makes me go crazy in the brain.

Quick, where's a thing that's, um, say three inches high and ten inches wide and fourteen inches long? Or maybe two things that are three inches high and ten wide and seven long? Or maybe....

It also means there are going to be maybe four or five boxes in the entire trailer and everything else--all my stuff--will be either inside furniture (like the trunks) or on the bookshelves or LOOSE. Tucked in between things. The muffin pans are in the drawer of the washstand. And so on. Or in bags, which is the same as being loose except slightly more contained.

It is awesome, yet horrible! Hurray! Boo! Yay!

They're building gigantic new power line pylons, did I mention that? Now they're building them in the BOG up the road. When you dig around in a bog, everything smells boggy for a long ways. It's this black water that just reeks. It's fascinating though because every time I go by, they've installed some new gigantic towering thing a hundred feet in the air. Triple the telephone poles. They put up some crazy goalposts just yesterday, except triple the size of regular rugby goalposts. Huge!

This all leads to lots of booming and shouting and heavy trucks and ruckus, but if I put a fan on, the dog doesn't go quite as crazy. Really the fan is the road to dog peace.

Back at it, then shower and off to unload a lot more stuff on the unsuspecting. Well, I warned them. But can you ever really be warned?

I called my brother by accident yesterday, thinking I was calling my mom. I was all baffled that he answered. Then I was like, "Are you at the EF?" and he denied it, and I said, "Prove it," and he said, "I can't! I can't prove I'm here! I'm having an existential crisis!" Which is still cracking me up right now.

Much to do! Gaaah!

You realize I could end up in Portland, Maine, after all, because I may not be able to afford to go the whole way west after all. It would be extremely grating to the nerves but it could happen. Paying off all these utilities and filling prescriptions left and right (because I won't be able to after I've left) has eaten up a huge chunk of what I had. HUGE. Flipping epipen cost well over $200 alone. But being alive is nice and I would like to continue so I'm glad I have it.

Plus they're going to thrust their adorable children at me today and weaken my resolve. My resolve is good unless I think of a) the Rocky Mountains or b) my little niece and nephew.

I also have plenty of nightmarish scenarios play out in my head like I can't get out of the driveway because the trailer is too heavy. It's uphill to the road. Or the trailer tips over somehow. Or the whole towing assemblage breaks right off. Or the chocks are insufficient and it rolls away into a river or something.

I have trailer anxieties.

You know when the Warehouse blew up all I could think of was, "Where is TRAILER?" because he's the dog on Warehouse 13 (in the present) and he's often in Artie's office, but he was back at Lena's, PHEW.

I wanted to name the trailer Jethro originally because it felt so Beverly Hillbillies but instead I named it Moya because on Farscape Moya has no weapons and no defenses, just one defensive skill: starburst. Go somewhere else. Also Moya is a Leviathan which seems appropriate given the size and weight of our friend here.

I wish I knew its exact weight right now. See, that's what worries me. I almost want to call this guy from my old job and get him to come over and advise me. I want him to look it over and say, "I think you're crazy, but the weight is safe. It should be fine. Just be careful on corners and make sure you shift way down on hills." Then he could hook it up and drive it around for a while to prove how safe it is. And back it right back into the garage.

Very comforting, having a mental mechanic where you can come up with the exact words he'd say in his own voice. I almost believe it already!

He would definitely say, "I think you're crazy." Probably several times. Heh.

Oh right, back at it. Get done, get done, get done!

Friday, August 24, 2012


I'm too tired! Whatever the question is! Too tired! Aaaah!

No, really.

Postcards from failure to cope-ville. I mean, I'm working as hard as possible, until I can't do any more, and that's where the failure to cope comes in, because it's Not Enough.

Oh, I'll get done in time, because I have to, but I'm all oooooosh, tired and overwhelmed.

How are you? Hee.

Today I knew I couldn't cope and ran a million errands instead, all of which cost more than I wanted them to, but at least now they're done, right? I know! Good!

I like getting things out of the house like that. It looks like progress!

Probably one more hard day's work will nail it down. It's a giant 3-D puzzle that has to be balanced in every direction but heavier on the bottom. See why I'm exhausted? Heh, yeah.

Boy do I love Warehouse 13! What a great show, huh? I'm watching from the beginning and discovering that...I've seen it all already! Yay! Except for that one where Claudia came on the scene, which was full of weird going back in time things and that strangely awful brother guy, but I loved it anyway.

Anyway I sure love the show! Yep. Love it. Waiting impatiently for the next disc to arrive, but also seriously all out of things that I can do in front of the tv. After I tape up these last two boxes to leave in boxville.

Gosh, you know what this whole experience is doing? Besides completely wearing me out? Making me all fit and chipper! Dashing around! Working hard for hours and hours! Having amazing dreams!

The flying dreams arrived, which is awesome, but even more awesome was the one where I was at this camp and Helo showed up with some other new people and oh boy, he was really into me. Like actual me from right now. It was fabulous. You know I adore the Helo but never dreamed that before. Amazing.



Then there was the fabulous Bollywood one where all these sort of Venezuelan gangsters were after me and it was all up and down stairs on mountains and cliffs and I did all this crazy parkour and huge leaps and eventually totally saved the day! And rescued my very young Edward James Olmos father from his torturers! I know! There were DANCES!

So other than fit and chipper and full of fabulous dreams and exhausted and Warehouse 13 and dreading dental doomsday, what else is going on? There are a million boxes in my house! And a million cat litter fezzes. You have no idea. I have to take them all to the recycling. I have a lot of errands still to do.

Plus, no microwave because it's packed, which is all weird because I have to heat up SOUP in a POT like a MEDIEVAL PEASANT. Jeez! I made awesome soup, though.

Well mostly what's slowing me down is terror that the trailer will be too heavy or something will break down or the trailer will fall off or it will crucially fail to fit or who even knows what. Worry worry worry!

My possessions have literally beaten me black and blue. I don't know how but I'm all bruises. Okay, the one on my leg (baseball size) is from walking into the trailer tongue. But the rest, it looks like someone whacked me all over with a tennis racquet or something. Whack whack!

And I haven't figured out the boats yet. SIGH.

The animals are awesome. Oh Mr. Kitty! Oh Mr. Puppy! I adore them. Snuggles and fur and warmth and cuteness! Oh yes.

The tired is winning. Later!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I'm not sure this is working. Today I tried method #1, rolling clothes up tightly and cramming them into the bookshelves, packing furniture in between, and so on. The issue is that there are all these THINGS still left over and I'm not sure they'll fit.

I meant to pack the things onto the shelves and pack the clothes between and around as padding. I'm not sure how that went off the rails.

Oh well, I can always pull them out and do it again. Until I lose my mind. Ha ha! Hoooooo.

Ooh, speaking of hooo, I've heard three different kinds of owls this evening! How cool is that? There was the barred owl I hear a lot, then the eastern screech owl, then the great horned owl. Amazing! The great horned yelled a lot for a long time and made the dog go frantic and gouge three deep scratches in my leg, oops.

I do have a bruise on my forehead from our meeting of the minds yesterday, but the lump went down. Hurray!

Today the chaos started to get to me so I washed the dishes, made pizza, and cleaned up the whole house. It's amazing what a difference that makes. Everything seems much more possible that way. It's odd.

I'm piling up all sorts of things to take all sorts of places, boxes and collections of objects, going to the following places:

my brother & family
the women's shelter

I think that's all of the places. It's just kind of a lot to organize given the chaos and all. But that's better now so maybe I won't lose my mind entirely! We can always hope!

It's just fascinating to me how mess = hopelessness. How does that work? Like because the little vacuum is left out, other things can't be possible? But why? I don't know, but it's really true, so I'm going to have to become a neat freak extraordinaire. Truly.

Also I will become a person who says no to items. "Here, would you like an item?" they'll say. "No, thank you," I'll say, fending them off with a broom. Politely. "But you're very kind to offer."

I will be item teflon. They will try to make me acquire things but they just won't stick.

Last night I washed my face and it got totally red hot and I was all, Oh no, what sort of horrific allergic reaction am I having now? And then only this morning did I realize: SUNBURN. Hahahahahaha! That's hilarious. I thought I was perishing. But my skin! Is so hot! And red! Hee.

If you ever have to take a medication three times a day and are hopeless at remembering, and you decide to set the alarm on your phone like I did, use three different noises for the different times! I just did it out of whim but it turned out to be absolutely essential. Because I have this problem where I can't remember if I took that pill today or the day before or the day before that. Or was that this morning?

But when it's the harp in the morning, the duck in the afternoon, and the strumming at night, I definitely know which one I heard. Did I take it? Yes, it was the duck time.

I'm sure that means something to brain/memory specialists. I just sort of think it's cool.

Well, my essential constant terror right now is that I won't be able to fit everything in. That's the fear. I won't be sure I can fit everything in until everything is actually in. Which is a good reason to hurry the heck up with it, because this is agonizing.

I have to assemble the remaining THINGS tomorrow and do some hard three-dimensional thinking about them. That means clearing a space at the foot of the ramp, which is quite cluttered right now, so I can see what I'm doing. In fact that might be a good project for tonight. Just clear it up and organize what's out there. Packing is just ridiculous. I'm sure OCD brain is making it much worse than it needs to be. But that's the brain I have.

Unpacking this is going to be hilarious. I'll need a wheelbarrow.

My favorite innovation of today is taking all the fragile things out of the cat litter fezzes and packing them into the ancient sea chest instead. Vast reduction in space used and substances (the fezzes) transported. Awesome. I'm so pleased.

Okay, I'll go do that thing. Tomorrow should be an interesting one.

I might be able to get my teeth out tomorrow, if an appointment frees up. Here's hoping!

I cannot WAIT until there are PEOPLE and PLACES and WORK and all sorts of THINGS TO DO and EVERYTHING! Everything, everything, everything!

Monday, August 20, 2012


Ooh, right into the wall, but I kept on mowing and got that whole side and back area done. My legs were going out from under me and I was shaking, so go me! Now I'm all dizzy and weird feeling. Like I feel extraordinarily tall.

Also, before I went out to mow, I was snuggling the dog and he was still in jumping on the bed mode, so his head came up as I bent over and BONK on my forehead with that pointy part on top of his little furry skull. I have an egg on my forehead. Not a goose egg. More like a quail egg.

That may have contributed to the peculiar feeling is all I'm saying.

Also doing all that huge heavy lifting before the mowing, too.

Anyway heavy exercise always leaves me either a) lightheaded or b) with a killer headache, so I'm pretty glad it's the former. It also leaves me without stress and kind of stoopid but overall it's a pleasant thing. I kind of stare at things for a long time, though. All glassy-eyed. Exercise! Just say no. Wait, wrong. Just do it!

For example, I programmed the phone finally to remind me when to take the antibiotics. I made the rings for the different times all different things. 4:00 is a duck quacking, which utterly cracked me up. And then I made a bowl of popcorn. I do feel quite strange.

I'm so very very glad I got those boards back up into the attic and not just out of my way (they were seriously in my way) but off my list. Done! Gone! Over with!

I need to figure some way to keep the bolts on the trailer from poking holes in things, especially the tarp, but more especially the furniture, so especially everything, I guess. I keep thinking of those erasers that you stick on top of pencils but with the nut it might be too big. I'm not sure. If I had one I could try it but of course I do not. Tricky! Definitely have to figure something out, though.

I thought about putting the bolts on nut-side-out but it just seemed wrong. Un-aerodynamic and more risk of them flying off, or something, I don't know. I mean I did think about this, but didn't come up with a solution. Hmmmm.

Actually the solution might be obvious. Put the leftover pieces of the blue pads on the bolt ends. Drill holes in them, stick them on. I'd say glue them on but I want to take those bolts off at some point. So I might use that blue sticky stuff you hang posters with. And then pressure should keep them on, unless shifting pressure (like things moving around) bounces them off.

Alternatively, could drill holes in some flat boards and cut them up and glue them right over the ends there onto the 2x3s, so they're protected but not damaged. If I made the holes big enough for the socket wrench to go through, I'd never have to take them off. That could work. Or the same thing with the blue pads. Glue the pieces on. Maybe!

So maybe I'll go mow some more and see how long before my legs go to noodles again. The lawn is ridiculously out of control. Like there are trees growing in the part I'm about to do. Those locust trees grow if you turn your back for a second, but these are kind of tall. How did it get away from me for so long? I guess between rain and preoccupation I kind of didn't think about it. The grass has gone to seed in places. Gosh!

That's why I'm kind of hyped up to mow the side yard before I quit for the day. Not the front, though, with the horrible steep hill. That can wait.

Wake up, dog with green paws! We're going outside again!

What, doubt?

Madness! Doubt is not allowed. I had a serious moment of doubt this morning. Like to the point where I was about to drive down to Portland and look for a house to rent. Daft. Especially because the solution is not to take my mattress, which I never was going to anyway because 1) it's three years old, 2) it was one of your cheaper ones in the first place, 3) it was guaranteed for two years, 4) it's big and heavy and did not cost much so it's not economical to move something that heavy and that inexpensive to replace that far.

Mostly it stands for COMFORT and SECURITY and I know this, but it's still a little tricky to manage it when you're a wee bit exhausted and too over-exerted to sleep well. Plus the hands and arms going numb all night long, argh!

So the moment of doubt passed and I'll call the place I bought it (the mattress, not the doubt) and see if they'll come get it like they said they would when I bought it. Yes, it's sad, but it's just not sensible to take it even if it were possible.


I keep hearing the end of that song that Hagrid and Professor Slughorn were singing that one night in Hagrid's house, remember? "....which was saaaaaaaad." It makes me laugh. Because that's how I react to a lot of things. Blah blah blah blah blah...which was saaaaaaaad.

I did reassuring math to reassure myself. There's going to be a limbo period. You know how I hate limbo. Plus I've been there so long already! But this will be even more limbo-y. In fact it's the limboest! I have dread. But I will manage.

Not taking the mattress means everything is completely manageable, if still, you know, difficult and hard work that is heinous. I never planned to take it, so how did I start thinking I was going to? I was talking to my mom and she said in that voice of your hair is on fire, alarm, alarm: "But WHAT ABOUT  YOUR BED?" And I was like, aaaaaaaiiiieeeee, what about my bed? But it's not sensible to bring it. At all.

Today's jobs are:

mow the lawn--all of it that I can possibly do
get the gas out of the generator and into the mower (might have to do this first)(and don't worry, I have the proper pump tool)
load the generator on the trailer somehow--SO HEAVY
fill in the bookcases on the trailer, before putting the generator on (yes)
pack the dishes
get the microwave down off the fridge and into the trailer, with glass bowls packed inside
call the mattress place

Um. That should be plenty. Ha ha.

Actually just doing all that mowing (and coping with the generator) will probably flatten me. But I can dream!

Fed the cat, walked the dog, ate my oatmeal with apple, took all the various pills at the appropriate times with the appropriate combinations of food and non-food. JEEZ. I'm glad my jaw doesn't hurt anymore, and I'll be glad when the teeth are gone, but the antibiotic is a real monster to deal with, just in terms of the timing of taking it (and remembering it, oops) and I'm going to be wrecked and sick once I get those teeth out. I always get sick after dental work. Some kind of reaction to whatever they inject to numb me. Plus I always need triple the amount. Which is maybe why I get sick.

Also don't they say to avoid strenuous activity for a certain amount of time after dental surgery? Ha. We'll see. I seem to recall coming home and mowing the grass with bloody gauze clenched between my teeth. That doesn't mean it's a good idea or anything.

Thing I am most not looking forward to today: wrestling the generator outside to do the gas thing then back in. It weighs like 80 lbs. I have it on a rolly thing meant for trash barrels but can't use that down the step. It's a beast. And I have to get it running and run it dry once I've pumped most of the gas out. Things you do not want on your moving vehicle: gas fumes.

I know right where the generator manual is this time though. Yay!

Today is a little daunting.

I'll just drink this cup of tea and then, you know, um, get going? Sure. Yes. Yes! I'll take breaks! It'll be okay! I'll get it done. Rah, rah! Dauntless! Raaarrrr!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

And forward!

Yes! I decided to ditch the boards because they were a) moldy b) bendy c) subject to falling apart in rain d) impossible to waterproof e) smelly from the paint which had gone off.

All of the above! Also f) heavy.

So yesterday I bought 2x3 lumber and started a frame on the trailer chassis kind of thing. And finished it today. It's awesome! It still needs the final braces so it can't fold up under pressure of momentum or inertia, but they can't go on until it's full up to a certain height.

I am beyond exhausted. I put the blue trunk on and packed it very carefully with the mirrors that would fit, all the electronics, and the lamps. Though not the electronics I'm keeping with me, so I guess not all, technically. This was very hard and effortful and took ages and wore me right out.

Then I put the rest of the furniture on except the washstand: bookcases, desk (taken apart), sewing table, smaller trunk. The ziggurat and glass-fronted bookcase go in last so they have to wait.

I don't see why this should sound so easy when it totally wrecked me. Sheesh! It was NOT easy.

Also I keep looking at the pile of stuff and the available space. And I keep coming to one unavoidable conclusion: it's not going to fit, or if it does it'll be top-heavy and too heavy both. So it's time to go through and pull out everything I can possibly get rid of.

I'm going to be ruthless, y'all. Look out, women's shelter!

I think that's partly why I'm so beat down right now, knowing that it's not just a simple matter of toss it all in. I have to pack it piece by piece, considering each thing as though I'm going backpacking. I thought I already did that! But not well enough, obviously. Need to go over it all again and wind up with even less. I can already tell you what I'm going to get rid of, too.

The part where I loaded and packed the furniture exactly as I've been rehearsing it in my head for weeks was pretty wonderful though. Especially putting the blue trunk in first. What a payoff! Watching it fit in exactly right and putting everything in that I planned on was highly satisfying.

Everything is everywhere in the house now, though. Ack! Because there are practically no surfaces anywhere except the floor.

Here's my plan for the rest of the way: Put all the objects in, then stuff clothes into those bags I got ready (aha!) but can't find at the moment (oops) and shove them in around and on top of everything. That's a workable plan, right? I know! The clothes are padding as well as useful themselves! Cool.

I think it's time to watch Warehouse 13 from the beginning. I just adore that show. I keep not watching Dead Like Me, which happens every time I rent it and think I'm going to watch it. I do like it but it's awfully dark for me. Whereas Warehouse 13 is happiness all the way. Happiness! Have I ever even seen the pilot or just read it? Did I even read the one that got shot and aired? I don't think so! Well, I'm hugely looking forward to it. Warehouse me!

Gosh, I'm even too wiped out to be sitting here in the comfy chair, but I have to get some water into my system before I go to bed. Sufficient hydration fail! Also tomorrow I need to mow the grass, ha ha ha, should be interesting given how much hand stuff I did today, which means tomorrow they'll be pretty much useless. Whee!

I'm all puzzled about how to pack all the dishes, which are heavy and must go on the bottom, while still needing to eat off some of them for a while. I guess I'll save out one of each or something. Also the microwave, gosh, I'm just stumped as to how to manage without it, but I'm sure I can do it. It's just a funny thing because I'm all, BUT WHAT WILL I DO, when the answer is: use the oven or stovetop, or eat it cold. I mean, seriously.

I really got the most tremendous amount of work done this weekend. Go, me! Yay! I'm boggled by it, truly. And steamrollered. Good thing there's eleven days. Eeeeeeeeee!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

It's BLUE!

And smells like a pig farm. Though that could be the pig farm. I don't know, the boards that were in the attic kind of smell like pig manure, which you will know if you have even a passing acquaintance is the worst of all smells. UGH.

I'm hoping the wind is just off the pig farm today. It could be, right? It's down the road in the second hollow. Boy is that pungent.

Yes, I live between a firing range and a pig farm. And you wonder why I want to move? Though actually I have never ever smelled the pig farm and the only reason I'm hoping that I'm smelling it right now is that otherwise it's those boards. Oof.

I haven't gone to get more paint yet, so they're actually not blue. BUT they are cut to size. And I even cleaned up the sawdust. If I'd been thinking (ha) I'd have drilled the holes too, so I don't have to wait for them to be in place to start packing the trailer. But I'll wait until they're painted and in place.

The side boards are ridiculously heavy. I can't lift them, really. I have to tip and balance and slide them. Oof, again.

I just figured I'd do the heinous heavy lifting and get completely drenched and sweaty BEFORE having a shower and going out to buy paint. And then getting drenched with sweat again.

Seriously, it was dripping everywhere. It's so humid. 82% humidity and 72 degrees. Damp.

Here's how I just made everything seem (and be) much more manageable: took all the empty fezzes out of the garage. Wouldn't you think I'd have done that before? Nope! Suddenly it's all a lot smaller. The stuff that is not furniture, I mean. I took 14 empty giant fezzes out of the garage. Cool, huh?

Also appalling, obviously. But cool.

I think *one* will go with me. Maybe more, since plants have to go in them, come to think of it.

Hey! Guess what? I had flying in my dreams last night! AWESOME!!! Yep, I flew around and stuff. I'm so pleased.

I'm not all that excited about painting more, mostly because of the horrific smell. If I do it tonight, I'll probably close off the garage, like I should have done yesterday. But it's so humid, I might have to wait until a dryer day to paint. Otherwise it gets all sticky.

Hoo boy, I really don't want to go out again today, but I kind of have to. I have $300 worth of prescriptions to pick up, for one thing. (AAAAAAARRRRGHHHH) It's three things but it's the epipen that makes it so much. I'm finally going to fill that one. Life-saving medication and all that.

What are the odds that the snake I got out of the basement last night is back in the basement again? Seriously, I'm guessing about 99%. Though it really didn't like being rescued and tied itself all up into a tangled knot. It was a young garter snake.

There was a gigantic purply black evil looking wasp thing outside today, too. What on earth is that? It was very pretty but looked like the Evil Queen from Once Upon A Time. I mean, it was dressed to look evil. It probably wasn't. Also it had giant yellow antennae. Overall it was just a bit excessive. Hee.

It's been a weird 24 hours because yesterday my tongue decided to swell up for no particular reason I could see, so I hit the benadryl, which zombies me out. It's better today. No idea. I didn't eat anything yesterday that I hadn't eaten the day before. And it was before the painting. So I don't know.

No way, man, that really has to be actual pig poo. I bet they were trucking it up the road (which they do all the time, by tractor, yay) and spilled some. Which they also do all the time.

Oh oh oh, my chores are all undone. The mowing is way behind because of rain. I haven't vacuumed. Okay, the dishes and laundry are caught up. But I still have massive Online Job to do. Still, I'm not wigging out, so I suppose the Friday laundry strategery worked out.

Also the pizza dough is started, so I'm going to have pizza tonight while I can still chew. Chewing. Sad! I'm going to miss it. I mean, ha ha, obviously, but no, you don't understand. No more chewing teeth on the bottom soon. That means no real chewing. I'm still wrapping my head around it. And thinking things like: but, popcorn! Nooooooooo!

I foresee lots of smoothies and soups. And cheese! Mmm, cheese. I suppose pizza might still work, come to think of it. It's not like I make it all crispy or anything. It's just things like raw veggies that are going to be an issue, right? And nuts. Oooh, boy.

There, I took a break from all the heinous exertion as prescribed by UFYH, which is adamantly against marathoning or overdoing it, because you get burned out and grumpy and don't do anything for a long time. Good philosophy. So I'm taking breaks. It feels all weird but it works extremely well.

You wouldn't know it based on how exceedingly chaotic my habitat is right now. Not to mention the pig thing. Ecccchhhhh.

Here is my awesome fantasy: I get the boards painted and installed, and I pack all the furniture and stuff and clothes and then I have 1.5 weeks to hang out and do fun stuff without worrying about moving. Good, huh? I just want to dig into it and get it done then peacefully knit things and go la la la.

Now that's a plan.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Overwhelmed? But there's blue paint!

Yes I ran all the errands! Yay me.

Except I couldn't get rid of the rugs because I couldn't find the place. I thought I knew where it was. Nope!

Also I didn't go to the library because I was getting all *swimmy* and weird after I took my antibiotic (cleverly brought it with me) with warm tea on an empty stomach. Oooh.

But I did:

1. Drop off all the rest of the books. Yay!

2. Get a mattress bag and a big roll of shrink wrap.

3. Pull the trailer into the garage and set it up on a jack stand with chocks. I did this first, actually.

4. Bought de-wormer for the dog. They were out of cat flea treatment. I already got the dog flea treatment.

5. Went to the ski store to buy those J shaped cradle things for the boats but holy crap, they are $100 each, no way! I am not paying $100 for a pair of bent pipes. (That sounded off color.)

6. Tried to get a dog floatation device at the ski store but they only had these upside down unfathomable ones. Nope. Got one at the pet store.

7. Went to Lowe's for inspiration as to what I could use for boat cradles that would cost very little indeed. I found some ladder hangers that might work and cost $2.98 but odds are good I'll be returning those.

8. Went to Best Buy to ask how to fix my old laptop. The guy said it sounds like hardware, not a virus, and suggested reinstalling the whole works then seeing if it still happens. Wow, huh? Yep.

9. Had no idea where I was on the interstate, which happens quite a lot on that interstate, even the parts that I used to drive every day. It's terrifying every single time. All of a sudden I don't know where I am. Billboards are illegal in Maine (did you know that?) which means that the interstate is one giant state-long featureless expanse of trees.

10. Traumatized the dog by putting the flotation device on him. Poor dog! He hates stuff like that.

(Incidentally I also kind of traumatized the ski store guy when I told him I wanted to put my cello into the canoe and pad it with all my yarn. I mean, why not? It's a good use of space!)

11. Looked around the garage for suitable boat cradle things and found: the weird curvy situp thing! Do you know those things? I used to use one because my back was so weak, I'd go off kilter doing situps. Well, it's PERFECT. Except I need another one, or possibly four. But Goodwill always has them. I should be able to find a couple running around the second hand stores this weekend.

You know how I always panic for half of Saturday because I have too much to do, with big Online Job work and laundry and mowing the grass? I know! So I'm doing the laundry right now, ha ha!

And I was going to make pizza (I don't learn about the wheat, do I? no I do not) but it's nearly 8 already so that's on for tomorrow.

Here's what I need to do to get ready to go. In TWO WEEKS from this morning. Ack!

1. Paint the boards blue. Will do this tonight, as much as possible. I'm already in a sacrificial t-shirt.

2. Install the boards with U-bolts.

3. Lay down the tarp and the pads. Do NOT get excited and try to do this before the boards are in! The boards need holes drilled in them for the bolts and that will punch holes inevitably in the tarp, no matter how careful you think you can be. I'm talking to you, self! Yes, you!

4. Start packing that sucker up, by gum.

It would be hilarious to walk into Walmart and buy three of those situp things. Which is probably cheaper than driving all over town to find them used.

Wow, that was a very loud gunshot. And another! Large caliber, booming and echoing across the hills. Gosh.

Okay, let's paint! Let's paint and get that out of the way to let the first sides dry. The idea is to make the boards waterproof so they don't soak up water and warp or fall apart or whatever.

Pause while I consider whether that paint is waterproof. But I'm pretty sure it is. It certainly makes nice hard shiny drips on the garage floor by accident last time, heh heh! Oops.

Okay, good. A plan!

Tonight we: cut the boards to size, paint them (one side at least) and start assembling the first things to go into the trailer. Good. That's manageable. Where is my skilsaw? No, I know, phew! Okay.
Eating is very strange with one sharp jaggedy serrated tooth. No, they couldn't fix it because it was too far gone, though I don't recall seeing anything wrong with it whatsoever before it crumbled to bits. I dunno. And the dentist said the one behind it has to go, too.

Did I tell you this already? I was completely out of it the whole rest of the day after that appointment. Seriously, I know things got done because I can see the furniture is all moved around and stuff, and the car is somehow in the garage, while the giant screen is on the lawn. The books are packed up into the car, ready to go. All the other boxes are moved into their spot in the garage. The dishes are all washed. I got those giant boards down from the attic. They're what, 6x8? 6x10? I'm not sure. HUGE. An inch thick almost. Still not sure how I did that, but there they are to tell the tale.

I was quite productive in my fugue state!

What on earth causes that? Oh, I know, it's the anti-panic meds I took at the dentist, before they told me they weren't going to do anything at all. I mean I got an x-ray, then the dentist just puffed air on my bad teeth and listened to me screech, basically.

I set the alarm last night and everything.

However, it appears that I bought a flatiron for hair from the extreme sale aisle in Walmart while waiting for my prescription to be filled. I have short hair, you guys. Short, flat hair, now. It seems I tried it out.

I remember bits of this vaguely. Less clear than a dream.

Maybe my brother can give me a ride when I go back to the dentist to get them pulled. Gosh! It turns out there are abscesses on both teeth which explains why I've felt like crap for a while now, so I'm on mighty antibiotics to kill that off. The kind that warns about c. diff. all the time. I do not want c. diff.

I also remember going to the ski shop to try to get those kayak cradles, but they were closed. I'll have to go today. Many errands to run! I need to get rid of those rugs, too.

Look, the Directv receiver is all disconnected and stuck in the closet with all its associated wiring and the remote!

I woke up with a monstrous cold this morning, ack, ugh. All I can think is it's that old wives' tale about sitting around in damp clothes, because what did I do yesterday? I got rained on putting the boxes into the car. And then I got rained on a lot more putting them where they were going. Such that I got to the dentist and the reception person looked at my dripping hair and said, "Still raining?" in that funny, sarcastic Maine kind of way. So I was wet for, ooh, three hours? Or else it's just attic allergies. And I went walking in the field yesterday. Could be all of that. Or could be a regular old cold. They happen!

I love that lead apron they put on you for x-rays. I asked if I could keep it on for the fillings I thought were going to happen and of course the nice dental assistant person said yes. It's so ridiculously comforting! That's weird, right? Is that like the people who need to be hugged or they'll freak out?

All I know is that I had moved 25 heavy boxes first into the car then up some stairs, raced to the dentist as fast as I could, used my inhaler because I was wheezy, then discussed my massive outstanding bill (they were very nice about it), then sat in the dentist's chair. Five things guaranteed to put my blood pressure through the roof. But it was 126/80. They checked.

I totally need that lead apron.

I saw another big eye doctor place that said walk-ins welcome. So maybe I'll, you know. Walk in.

I have to wait until Wednesday to see if I can get in to the dentist during someone's cancellation. Apparently they have a flaky clientele, with constant cancellations. Otherwise not until the 28th. I'm just not excited about having to move with recent dental surgery is all, so I hope I can get in earlier, as long as the infection is knocked down. Pow!

Meanwhile I should find a way to use my razor sharp tooth to Fight Crime or something! Surely?

Let's go do it all again! Move the books! Go to the ski shop! Add in the municipal waste center for the rugs! Hit the library and return that stack of books! (All read, time for more.) Some other crucial errands I can't remember, probably!

It has occurred to me that it's going to be quite tricky to eat on the road now that I can't eat anything that requires actual chewing. Hmm. At home there's soup and all the various gruels I like so much, but on the road? Must exercise my mind on this subject. I only have a teeny cooler and no room for a big one. Obviously no crackers, chips, or baked goods. (100% anti-allergy fascism on the road--benadryl would be bad.) I don't know. I'll have to keep thinking about it. Hmmmmmmm.

Today's a big day for forward motion in the crucial zones of getting ready to go. Biggest obstacles, removed! Awesome! Can get to the essential final packing! We'll see how it goes, eh?

Here's hoping it won't look too much like this.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Phase two

Ooh, boy.

Well on the one hand it's lovely to know that I've felt like crap because I have abscesses at the roots of two teeth. And it's lovely that I have the antibiotics to kill them off. And it's lovely that they're going to get my two rotten teeth pulled very soon. Yay!

I'm kind of looped on the dentist dread meds, however. Benadryl because of the flaming hivey face this morning. And then the no-stress pills. That's a heck of a combo. I'm looped indeed.

Okay, but I got 2/3 of the books unloaded into their holding location, hurray! And the rest are now loaded into the car to await transport tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm also going to vacuum the car and scrub the inside of the windshield with whatever it takes to get that haze off. Do that cleaning first, drive over and unload the books, then come home and put the trailer into the garage for The Big Move.

It's exciting! Actually if I were not so woooooozy I could vacuum and clean now and pull the trailer in tonight. But then I'd be so tempted to start putting things into it. And building those walls. Oh boy! I decided to paint the wood blue, partly so that it would be blue and partly to keep it from absorbing water and warping or even falling apart. It's chipboard or something, I'm not sure. I don't want it to become all moldy and gross. Plus, blue! Gorgeous! I know!

Tonight I get to move the rest of the boxes of stuff into the garage, to be fitted into the trailer in whatever way seems optimal. I'm going to lose my table soon because it has to go in early.

Just think how much less stressed I'll be when I can actively work on this instead of just stressing about it in a directionless fashion! Yes!

I think some knitting and yawning are on the schedule for tonight.

I get to get partial lower dentures! Isn't that cool? Because at first I was like, well, I guess chewing is a thing of the past, but then the dentist said that it's perfectly possible to fit a one-piece thing in there that would effectively give me some lower teeth again. Exciting!

It feels about like one in the morning already. Zzzzzzz. I'm just going to haul some boxes around and then call it a night. Phew!

Fix it!

Oh hi! I'm being dysfunctional lately. Yep!

Well, I keep eating things I'm allergic to, then having to take benadryl, then sleeping twelve hours. Also I ate these big peppermint lifesavers to try to mitigate the murderous dry mouth caused by the new meds, except I crunched them up sometimes and yesterday managed to break a tooth.

Yes. I broke a tooth. A big chunk of it came right off. Awesome.

So I'm off to the dentist today to get it fixed. If I can convince them to pull out the wrecked one next to it, I will. It has needed to come out for like two years. Jeez. There are big caverns in it. One day it's going to go nuclear.

So that's fun.

I did get all the boxes of books taped up, but it's pouring today, the day I was going to haul them in the open trailer, see. Not even just a light rain I could maybe deal with. Nope. Downpour.


My tv finally went off, thank goodness. I called to shut it off two days ago, but yesterday it was still on, so I had to watch ALL of the Community again while I could. Though I also taped up boxes and sorted things and tried to figure out what was what. It's massively frustrating and overwhelming.

Gosh, it's raining a lot. We needed the rain, though. I was going to have to water the garden today.

I was looking forward to having the books gone today so I could move into The Next Phase. But maybe tomorrow.

I'm going to take more benadryl for the dentist appointment. My face is all flaming. I really hope it's the stupid food like those highly illegal lifesavers, and not, for instance, the new medication. Hard to say, really.

The chaos is really getting to me. Not just the quilts in progress scattered around and the folding table and the boxes and the empty boxes and the things that need to be put other places. Well, okay, mostly what I just said. But also the dishes that I haven't touched since what, Sunday? Monday? And all of the various unfinished business around the place. ARGH.

I did not plan for dentistry in the middle of all this, either, I'll have you know. I don't want to go! Three hours from now I'll be getting massive needles shoved into my face and I'm very upset about it already, obviously. Urrrrrggghhhh.

On the plus side, the rain is finally washing that tarp that I hung over the deck railing a week ago. I used it to haul leaves, so it needed a wash.

This weird sluggishness and huge disinclination to move AT ALL needs to go away, seriously. It's not sleepy sluggishness. It's more like the bunny when the wolf is bearing down. I'm all cramped up with anxiety and don't know which thing to do first, which is why it took me three days to tape up some book boxes, sheesh!

Like I said, dysfunctional. Oh well, I'll work on it! One thing at a time. I could, for instance, get in the shower and get ready to go, then if it has stopped raining so hard (it's already slowing down) I can shove half the book boxes into the car, then take them where they need to go on the way to the dentist.

My friend D. said it's not so much the not going anywhere or doing anything that's the problem. It's that I beat myself up about it. I guess that's true. Huh! Though not getting things done is going to become a problem shortly, when they have an absolute due date and must be done by that date. See.

Don't you love it when the 15th is on a Wednesday? I love that so much! And I'm not really sure why! It's like double middle or something.

Well. Got to get going. Wooooo, yay. Reluctantly and dragging my feet the whole way.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Sleep is for the weak

Or maybe lack of sleep makes you weak? I'm not sure. I'm not sleeping, and I'm pretty wrecked by now. Everything hurts. Everything. But I don't see how not sleeping should cause that. How?

Yesterday I taped up a bunch of book boxes and then just stopped and had a four hour nap, for instance. My hands and arms and shoulders are killing me, which shouldn't happen after taping and moving what, twelve boxes of books? That's not a big deal.

If it doesn't get better, this whole malaise and pain thing, I'll go to the doctor, if I can overcome the malaise.

I think I'm just not getting enough good sleep due to the medication change and that's messing me up.

Or I have a dramatic systemic chicken strip and donut shortage. That could be it! You never know! Actually I'm perishing for some protein over here. I nearly cooked some eggs! Dude!

Actually I had it all planned out. Some sweet onion, sauteed in butter, then broccoli, then add in the eggs, then near the end some cheese. I got as far as getting out the cutting board, then said to the dog, "I need to go sit down." I'm just all limp and useless.


They're doing a lot of construction up on the power line, where they cut down all those trees whenever that was. Spring? They're building giant new rust-colored pylon things all up the power line from way down on the other road past the other road. I know! So the construction noise and the people banging around at 7 a.m. are only going to get worse for a while.

They specialize in these giant earth-shaking echoing BOOMS.

Maybe it's just a shock to the system to have A arrive and get the trailer and get things going finally. At the same time exactly as the change in meds, actually. I'm giving myself lots of time to cope. Well, two and a half weeks, ha ha!

The living room already looks amazing with 1/3 of the book boxes taken out. And while sleepless last night I did math and discovered I can fit all the books in the trailer if I tip them on end. The boxes, I mean. Though the bar around the trailer is quite low. So it might be time already to put the walls in there, which means wrestling those giant heavy boards down from the boiling hot attic. With the guano and wasps, etc. Oh dear.

I think if making eggs is too hard, getting those boards down might not happen for a little while, hoo yeah.

The nightmares are getting better! Not nearly as scary. Now it's not so much Cylons from that one episode where they were ON THE SHIP as letting my little niece drive my Jeep because she said she knew how. She's four. And then an excellent quest sequence with extremely funny lines, featuring me and Simon Pegg searching for something in a variety of coastal locations and trying to make tea in all sorts of unpromising places. There were llamas and alpacas that I had to brave to get to some piece of the quest.

I don't know if you've seen their teeth when they want to mess you up, but they are very scary teeth. They have to have their teeth trimmed or they'll grow all crazy long. Well, the ones in my dream were all crazy long and they were nipping at me, or rather trying to hook those teeth into me. Eek.

See this sequence for relevant images. How my unconscious knew this, I do not know.

Also I lost my mittens! And Simon Pegg was all adamant that we could not go on unless I had a matching pair of mittens! So I was searching through all these random mittens nearly in tears, trying to find my brown polarfleece ones. Oh the humanity!

Anyway all I'm saying is, llama teeth and mitten trauma aside, that is WAY BETTER than Cylons trying to kill me. So much better!

If I had to speculate why Mondays are the worst for me when I don't go to a job, I'd have to say it's because I do the bulk of my work on Sundays, duh. And it's all eyes. My eyes are seriously effed up. I need to get them checked RFN. (Thank you Apollo, in that same episode!) Like I have trouble seeing, well, much of anything. And if I watch tv or read or work on the computer, I'm in big trouble afterward.

What do I do most of the time? Read, watch tv, or work on the computer. Even a soccer game kills my eyes.

So let's put that on the list, shall we? I will call them today and make an appointment. There! This I vow.

Oh, they make you do it online. Okay, I did it. Done. They will call me. Goodness, that's strange.

I strongly suspect that getting a new prescription will help a lot of things. Yay! And cost a lot. BOO.

I just hope they don't freak out and go all Holy Crap you have xyz dread eye condition, that's why your eyes are so messed up, argh frak eek it's the end of the world! Because that would be bad.

Also I hate to get new frames here at the end of the world because they'll be from like five years ago or whatever and look all out of date in the real world. See. It's true.

Not much I can do about that.

So anyway. Let us therefore take a bunch of ibuprofin and go back to taping up boxes. For lo! This is the next obstacle in my path that I will totally trip over because I cannot see squat! True.

I might have to disengage the trailer and put it on a jack stand and of course lock it up so it can't walk off (though every other house around here has one) and go, you know, OUT. Out to places! Oooooof, the idea is exhausting, but I should probably give it a try.

That's not so much a vow as a feeble and hopeful grunt of possible intention. Oof?

I suspect tomorrow will be better. Yep. I think so.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Grapple grapple

So much work! Aaaaah! I mean worky work for work! For pay and stuff! Hardest one of those in a long time. Six hours, more or less, though I took breaks in there or I'd be gibbering under the bed right now. Gibbering and sneezing.

Anyway it's done so I can get off this hard wooden chair as soon as I get done blithering, which is more coherent than gibbering but not substantially more weighty.

This external keyboard thing is driving me bananas because in my mind the touch pad is closer than the keyboard, except now it's not, and I can't click except with the touch pad buttons. I know the next step is an external mouse, too, but honestly the next step is going to be either a) getting this thing fixed or b) getting rid of it.

I have the old virusy laptop packed up to take to Best Buy or wherever to get scoured out and refunctional. I hope all my old email is still there when they're done. So many scripts and things I saved in Thunderbird!

I got into a sudden panic today (WHAT'S NEW) because the landlord was out hammering a sign into my front yard, which of course I assumed said FOR RENT. So I ran around picking stuff up and putting all the knives into the ammo box and dithering over the underwear drying on the socktopus, only to discover hours later when I went for a dog walk that it said PARTY--> Or rather <-- come to think of it.

Please tell me this new med isn't making me eat like a starving person. I am not starving. I don't need to eat like a starving person. Maybe it's just the deliciousness of the pizza, right? It really was good. Past tense. Though I used this accidentally thin sliced cheese and it was insufficiently cheesy, thus unsatisfying, which I think contributed to the eating rate. And no pepperoni, ditto. It was all healthy so I ate too much of it, or something.

Urgh, it's just sopping everywhere, all the rain and big humidity. But the screens are fixed (HURRAY!) and I even oiled the sliding one so it doesn't go skreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkk every time you move it. Now it goes shoop, like the doors on the Enterprise. Except manual. Manual shoop.

Despite the walk and the mad tidying, my legs are going crazy from all this sitting. They're staging a revolution. A stand-in! They will not sit for this any longer! Okay, I'll stop.

So my next job is utterly taping up all the books, which you know also means rescuing my must-have books;, which means lots of work and lifting and that horrible tape noise. But standing! Exercise! All good things. I have to move them to the garage today, then the trailer tomorrow (rain permitting) then to their holding pen. It should be enough exertion to keep even my jitterbugging legs happy.

I have green pumpkins! Pumpkins on the pumpkin vines! So exciting! One is golf ball sized and the other, um, nearly as big as a lemon. And so many peas. I have to pick them today or tomorrow. Mmmmm, peas. They're the kind where you can eat the whole pod. Also the little short peas have the kind where you can't, but those aren't ready yet. And two cherry tomatoes today! Come on, tomatoes. Hup hup!

I love the giant extravagant orange pumpkin flowers as big as my hand.

Once the books are out--tomorrow, tomorrow, come on!--the packing of the trailer can begin in earnest, which terrifies me because it's like a clown car in reverse. Also there won't be a single place to put anything in the whole house. It's going to be so much work, oh boy.

Plus I have complex ideas to combine malleable objects into fixed-dimension objects, like let's take the models out of their boxes and flatten the boxes and pack them into the baritone case. Let's put everything inside everything inside everything. I seriously might put the cello into the canoe, too. Lashed to the gunwales! Tied to the thwarts!

It's going to be a matryoshka reverse clown car, that's what. Everything nested down to the subatomic level! Yeah!

I'm gonna need more rope. And to get those big boards down from the attic. I have dread about that, though. They're huge and heavy and there will be lacerations and gouging and bodily harm. And mold. And rodent poo. And bat guano. And hornets that might get pissy about the ruckus. See why the dread? Yes. But in all my extended staring at the trailer and imagining it full episodes, it's clear I'm going to need some kind of sides on it.

Of course I planned for this, with the Usain Bolts, but I was hoping to avoid the weight. Well, we'll see. Really my imagination quails at trying to configure all these things and see if they'll fit, without any clear sense of their volume. Tilt, squawk.

I stayed up way too late reading an E.L. Konigsberg book. Man, she's so great. Now I'm reading Margaret Mahy. I got all tilted and dizzy when I realized 80% of the way through one book that it was set in New Zealand (which was never mentioned) and not in England as I had thought. It was the oddest reorientation feeling. I knew perfectly well she was a New Zealander so I don't know why I even thought it was England. Odd, huh?

Back to grappling with stuff. Grapple grapple. Why isn't grape/apple juice called grapple juice? I could use some grapple juice right about now, I tell you what. Or a good slug of vodka that I don't have in the orange juice I also don't have. I'm fried from all the work. I'm so used to sloth! Or self-directed hard work marathons! Or constructive puttering! Or self-limiting tasks like laundry! Gracious. Out of practice.

I seriously want to go out and get like twenty carabiners to use to lock down the tarps to the metal mesh. Except that's only on the sides of the trailer IN MY MIND. On the real trailer, the mesh is all on the floor. But try telling me that! Pesky reality, interfering with my carabiner lustfulness.

Anyway I walked the dog today, off the property, and on a weekend, too! Good girl. And even though my hands are just murdering me from the pizza (woe) and from carrying those bookcases Friday, I have quilting plans for the evening. After the matryoshka clown car grappling, that is.

Fun times!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

So much day!

I'm adapting somewhat but still boggled by how much day there is. Morning was so ridiculously long ago! I've been sleeping 12 hours a day for so long, it's quite a shock to the system to be down to just a couple of hours a night. But I've been assured that will pass. This morning I managed to go back to sleep and all!

I wanted to because Brandi Chastain appeared to me in a dream and gave me great advice. Another player was there from that time but I'm still not sure who because Brandi was busy giving me a pep talk and coach-like talking-to. Truly awesome.

So I went back to sleep at 7:30 to see who it was, but results were inconclusive.

I've been doing all manner of thing today. So much accomplished! I wonder if the difference is that it feels like a lot but I always do a lot but it used to feel like nothing got done. Huh. I don't know. That could be.

Anyway I got the screens re-screened and reinstalled, which is huge. I scrubbed most of the adhesive off the windows and frames of the sliding glass door and screen. Scraped a lot of tape off with a razor blade thingy. Watched the men's gold medal soccer game and cut out quilt squares. Knitted on a hat. Did online job. Repacked some things into those skinny WB boxes so they'll fit on the bookcase shelves in the trailer. Made extravagantly vegetative pizza and ate it up. Well, some of it. Called the mother. Did all the laundry. Washed all the dishes. Thought a lot about how to condense things down. Think think think.

I did go have a lie down at one point but it goes like this:

close eyes
eyes fly open!
close eyes
eyes fly open!
close eyes
eyes fly open!

It's like trying to put a wound up toddler down for a nap. Boing!

Getting the screens done makes me very happy. Boy did that need to get done.

Right now my eyes really want to close, but I know if I tried to nap again, I'd boing awake and out of bed before you could say stop boinging out of bed, you!

I'm exhausted, actually. But can't stop moving. It's tricky.

I wonder if fewer bugs will get in here now that the screen is fixed? The rubber piece that's supposed to seal the edge of the sliding door screen to the glass is three inches short on each end, of course. NATURALLY. But I have duct tape stuck on over those gaps. Which isn't perfect, I know, but should provide some kind of barrier. Like, a barrier. That kind of barrier.

I think I'll bake oatmeal cookie bars. Or possibly just go read the rest of the evening and snuggle my dog and cat. They were both lying on my whole self this morning during the game, then started bickering and playing Smack Your Face still on my lap and legs, until I got scratched and hollered and everyone scampered away. It was awfully cute, though. Before the bleeding and the bandaids.

Wait until I get the books taped up and moved and I get to put the trailer into the garage and start packing it. Oh, the engineering solutions that will ensue! Oh the thinking and the planning! Oh the rearrangement of the things!

Slightly less than three weeks to go.

I have MANY THINGS TO DO. For instance, figure out how to get the screen door properly on its track. It's better than it was, but it's not good. Maybe it just needs oil. Not tonight, though. It's a mosquito festival out there. We're in the ocean and all the tiny sharks swim around on the ocean floor, attacking anything that moves. And apparently I am beyond delicious. Or else the only furless being for a long ways around.

I'm going to try sawing up the rolled up rugs tomorrow, if all goes well. Even though it makes me feel like some kind of murderer, cutting them up and putting them into trash bags. Ugh! I'm sure around here there would be a hundred easier ways to get rid of a murdered person, but it's VERY hard to get rid of a barfed-upon rug. I even asked in the town hall. About the rug, I mean. Actually they said to go to the municipal waste place in the next town and pay 7 cents a pound, so I'll probably do that rather than breathe in rug dust. Even though online that municipal waste place says nobody but their residents can go there. Huh. Well. We'll see.

Rugs! On the plus side, I could get to cut a rug! You know I will have to dance the whole time. Hee.

Oof, let's go deal with the laundry. I am perishing of tiredosity. And all full of excitement for the going places. Going! Places! Oh boy!

Friday, August 10, 2012

Happy trailer day!

You guys. I did it! I got my trailer. I got the exact one I've been looking at and dreaming about all this time. The one I have a bookmark for under "base commerce"!

Buying a trailer is complex because it's technically a vehicle, so there's an actual title and stuff. I didn't know! I did know I'd have to go to the town hall and pay a small registration fee and get a license plate. I got all that done. Awesome! And I bought U-bolts to hold the wood onto the sides that my brother-in-law used to move their piano into my brother's house. I've been hoarding it all this time. Well, it's been in the attic, increasing insulation, and I was going to leave it behind. I still might. In which case I'll return the U-bolts.

It's very hard to buy U-bolts right now without thinking of Usain Bolt. Know what I mean?

Then I zoomed home and tried to attach the license plate but could not! Insufficient nuts and bolts! So I loaded up the bookcases and a box of stuff for Goodwill and zoomed off to Home Depot. Bolts! Nuts! A lock to lock the trailer on so nobody can thieve it offa me! Washers, because the nuts went right through the mesh!

Then off to Goodwill, goodbye, crappy bookcases!

Now I get to tape up my boxes of books very thoroughly and move them to their holding location. I get to use the trailer to do it, of course, which makes me very happy. Though I think I'll need the whole car, too. I'm just hoping I can do it in one trip.

THEN I get to start packing the trailer. It's quite small. I mean, I knew the dimensions. It just looks small compared with the stuff. But it will all compact. It's spread around in the messiest possible way right now. And all those fezzes have like three things in each. Most of my fezzes are empty now, isn't that crazy?


And I got a tarp. And a cargo net to go over top of the other tarp I don't have yet. Yes.

And then I went to the store.

And then I came home.

And then I mowed the front yard.

So you can see the new medication is working extremely well, if TOTALLY HYPER ME is what the goal was. I used to be like this all the time, so yes, I guess it was the goal. I mean, I'd work all day, go walking around the lot during lunch, drive home, climb the mountain, write until bedtime, whatever! I'm a doer of things. Puddingness does not suit me.

I was also up mopping at 11:30 last night. Because I forgot I was going to mop before bed, due to the barforama the night before, which I'd cleaned up of course but you know...ick. And then while I had the bucket of soapy water I mopped the rest of the house. Which is small! But still.

I also didn't get any sleep last night. I really thought I would after the night before.

The doctor this morning said (joking, I think) that I saved up enough by sleeping 12 hours a day for six months. Ha ha. Whereas I'm sort of hoping that today's massive endeavors and all that exertion will wipe me out and I'll sleep beautifully. We can hope!

More things to acquire: cradles for the canoe and kayak. A protective bag for the mattress. I think that's it.

More things to take to Goodwill. I talked with the guy today who was like, "You again!" and I said, "You haven't seen the last of me!" And I discovered that the weekend is not the time to drop stuff off, because everyone does. So I'll wait a couple of days. I can do that, right? Sure.

The boy at Tractor Supply was awesome and answered all of my questions and listened to my anxious dithering and was very down to earth and funny. He showed me all the stuff and checked everything and quieted my fears about this and that. Really he deserves a medal because I was utterly tweaking out. I'd just seen my brother and he was quite alarmed at the tweaking that was going on. But it's the new meds. I imagine the effects will settle down at some point, right?

Ha ha, remember when I couldn't bear to part with my carboys? Hahahahahahaha! That's awesome.

I think the house is going to be like a chair and a little side table and a tv, with some knitting by the chair, and a dog bed. Honestly I'm looking forward to the emptiness after all this boxy clutter all this time.

Ability to cope! I like it. ATC!

Look at my baby! It's so cute! Those are six foot tall bookcases in there, and a short one at the back.

You know what makes it look tiny? The gigantic dandelions in my yard. They're a foot across! Taking this picture is one reason I went out and mowed the front yard when I got home, ha.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Okay, but I expect flying in my dreams

Surprised to find out I'm seeing the meds specialist tomorrow, I decided to start taking that new drug. The one that the pharmacist said would give me flying in my dreams. I'm expecting great things! Especially after being up well over half the night. I mean, birds were singing when I was still awake.

First I was just awake forever, until after 4 a.m., just unable to sleep despite taking all sorts of things that should have knocked me senseless. Prescription things in prescribed dosages, fear not! But then the dog started throwing up, and I mean a lot of times, and I had to clean up each of them. And then the cat got all grossed out by the dog barf and threw up himself, which is adorable, but still had to be cleaned up.

Anyway nobody got any sleep for a long time. After the vomitfest, the poor dog was shivering, so I covered him with the comforter and cuddled him for a long time. Then he was like, Back off, lady, and went to sleep on the other side of the bed. Heh. Feeling better, I guess!

Also I get to throw out that rug that I couldn't decide about. Yes!

But it meant I didn't get up in time to watch the Canada/France game. Oh well. It's recorded if the urge strikes. In fact I got up late enough that there wasn't time for much more than some digging in the garden, vacuuming the house, and eating oatmeal before the game.

Before the USA/Japan game, I decided to walk Mr. Puppy down the road, and then all of a sudden decided to take him on the path through the other fields (not the one I mow a path through) and let him off his leash. And it was awesome! All the training we've been doing since forever means he's incredibly good off leash. We went through the fields then down into the woods. He comes when called and stays reasonably close and in general is just a perfect dreamboat.

We tried it again later in the day, too, and he was equally awesome. GOOD BOY!

Did you see the USA game? The gold medal game? So good! Not as stressful as the one earlier in the week but amazingly great. Oh boy oh boy! It felt like no time passed at all. I was beside myself the whole time. And screaming all sorts of things at the tv. Fortunately my pup has learned to ignore all that now and just sleeps through it.

Oh, except for the medal ceremony, which made me burst into tears at all our wonderful players singing with big smiles in their weirdly awkward and ungainly outfits. How do you even *find* clothes that make all those utterly fit women look frumpy? Amazing. Anyway dog must climb into my lap and lick away my tears so I got to hug him and it was great.

Also I fell in the yard again today. Twice in three days! D. asked me right away what the vitamin D status was, which is when I had to say: I ran out two months ago. Aha, right? Aha, aha, aha! I know!

I took a bunch of stuff that was already loaded into the car to Goodwill and sayonara, blue dresser! You were very heavy and unwieldy and I'm not entirely sure that weird smell will ever go away! The one that made it so I couldn't use that dresser for clothes, I mean. Anyway, gone now. Phew!

I have the secretary in the car now, to give to little niece. Supposed to meet up with the brotherly one tomorrow. I have all kinds of other stuff lined up to go to Goodwill once that's out of there. Stuff! It must go away!

And there's the trailer, which I have to get hold of. It looks like this.

Gosh it looks awfully small in that picture. It's 4x7 which isn't huge, I know. Well, we'll see how it goes. It will certainly hold all my furniture which is the main thing I'm asking of it. We'll see what the nice Tractor Supply people say when I explain what I'm planning to do. I adore that store.

I have three weeks to figure all this out. That also coincidentally allows me to finish my current Online Job before going flying off somewhere. This laptop, man. If it would run on batteries, I could do it anywhere, but it won't and I can't. And I can't exactly duck into a coffee emporium to use their outlet when it's ungodly bloody hot out and the animals are in the car. I mean, it's utterly unfeasible. Utterly. No feasing!

I scrubbed out my gigantic fezzes. I always forget how huge they are. One is royal blue and 35 gallons, which is to say, most of a bathtub and taller. The other is slightly smaller and purple. Those are the Things You'll Use En Route fezzes that will be accessible on the road, see. Because the car will be full of me and dog and cat and backpack with stupid broken laptop and food and cat food and dog food and sleeping bag and pillows and dog beds and the twin mattress from the couch...that sort of thing.

I have to tell you. I may not be able to fit everything in the trailer. I might end up mailing some stuff. I think the part of my brain that does math in the grocery store is doing this math. But it might not be aware of how everything fits inside everything else. So much stuff goes into the blue trunk, you wouldn't believe it. Especially since I'm not taking the CRT tvs, which are big and heavy.

This medication is supposed to make you jump up and run around and do a lot of stuff, which sounds exactly like the old me, but it's not doing it yet, is all I know. It's supposed to be like motivation pills. I just feel tired. But hello, I didn't get any sleep and I had to watch an exhausting soccer game on tv! Gosh! That really takes it out of you! Being all invested and that.

Well, no. Okay, a little. I think it's being up all night, though, honestly.

You will have flying in your dreams, eh? I hope so! I kind of think I might go to bed really soon, oh yawn!

Still have to mow the grass, too. Maybe if I'm stricken with pharmaceutical get up and go tomorrow, I'll get that done and so much more! Hey, it could happen.

It's awesome to clear thing after thing out of the garage. There's this whole giant wide open space now, growing all the time. Yay!

I have to drive right by Tractor Supply tomorrow. So we shall see.

Bunnies bunnies bunnies!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

This is the moment we've all been waiting for

It looks like...I get to go. It's verrrrrrry close. Distressingly close. Alarmingly, anxiety-producing close. But I can do it, I think.

The fraterfamilias says the rest is coming in like two months, so there's also the option of diddling around for that time. Wait until the end of August to leave here (good for enjoying my garden, not good for income), go visit the materfamilias, go visit D. in Wisconsin for a while. Take my time, hoping that funding will arrive soon enough to make a difference.

That does not sit all that well with the Mistress Of Anxiety here. So I'm putting the word out, looking for a sublet or rental in Portland, OR and environs for me and cat and dog. If I can find one to go to, I can just cough it up and go there. It's the going with nowhere to go to that tenses up every single muscle fiber in my whole self.

So! Today was supposed to be clear the garage day, and still kind of is, but it got ungodly hot out and I had to go meet up with the fraterfamilias and then when I got home had to jitterbug around the place, not doing anything at all but flipping out. Whee!

I did do two things: a) started the pizza dough, and b) went around the yard and picked up all the poop. I know! Very important. Has to get done before I can mow. Which it is far too hot to do. I mean, I'd keel over. No thanks. The grass isn't going anywhere.

I ate blueberries and walnuts and now I need to hear that song, is it Talking Heads or David Byrne? about we're living on nuts and berries. I can't remember the rest of the words. Torture!

This is a good dose of knowledge, though! It means trailer for sure, not truck! That means I give away a lot of stuff like Mason jars that I'd otherwise take with me, see? It's huge. It means that I'm out of that I-don't-know zone that was driving me nuts. Now I know!

And my brother has said I can tape up all the boxes of books and store them in his office house, where he can affix mailing labels once I have a future address. The post office will come pick them up. Easy! And I can put other things in storage there if necessary but I really don't want to do that. If I own it, I want it with me.

I'm firmly of the Unfuck Your Habitat belief that if your stuff doesn't fit in your space (in this case a car and trailer, because you always mail books--it's so cheap) then you either need more space or less stuff. The end.

Got an oil change etc. today, including new air filter, phew. It was filthy. I still need an alignment and I would not mind getting the transmission looked at before pulling a trailer, see. So I have to get that done. And I bought a tiny lock to lock the trailer hitch bar on. I have a real locking one but it doesn't work on this car, not enough space to fit it in there. So tiny lock it is. There will also be those backup chains and such. I imagine the trailer selling people sell those too.

I get to go get the trailer pretty soon. I'm BEYOND excited about this, as you can imagine. And actually packing it up delights me. There may be building of frames to go above the black metal part, depending. If so that's lumber and saws and drills and bolts and great big washers, all of which also delight me no end. Or I could deconstruct the couch and use that lumber, come to think of it. Hey! No, it's mostly 2x2s and I'd want 2x4s. Force and inertia are powerful things. The whole top of the stuff could go sliding off without sufficient strength holding it in.

I will over-engineer this just like my dad always did when building things. You know it's true!

Okay. Okay. Okay. I should maybe do the thing, instead of dithering about it, but I'm having a REALLY hard time settling down.

Though I did call up JoAnn Fabrics and get them to change the name on the coupons/mailers that go to my mom's house from my name to hers. It's been bugging her for years but she never did anything about it. She sent one of them with my brother so I just got it. She won't use them because they have my name on them, see. And she thinks they won't let her sign up since there's already one sent to her house. (I don't know where she got that idea because JoAnn will happily send multiples to different people at the same address. They just told me so.) ANYWAY that got fixed, thank goodness.

One tiny victory over the forces of maternal stubbornness and blameification. I cannot tell you the conversations we've had about this where she was sad she couldn't use her JoAnn coupon because it wasn't addressed to her (even though YOU TOTALLY CAN) and told me over and over how they wouldn't allow two to be sent to the same address. OH THE DRAMA. Every time, I would hear the implied IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT. Jeez. "No, it's okay, you use the coupons...I'll be all right. I don't spend anywhere near as much as you do anyway." (That's a classic right there. CLASSIC.)

Hi! Oh, right. Get the dresser out to the car. Get the other stuff out to the car that's being given away. Put your dang shoes on and get off the computer. Maybe take some of those useful stop-freaking-out pills if this continues much longer.