Thursday, November 29, 2012

Oh, thaaaaat

Is no worries! Just *&#^%@# gallstones. Yes, you can have them after you have your gall bladder out, which they don't exactly tell you before you have your gall bladder out. In fact I asked way back then and the PA said no, it should clear up. Then she told me about the horrors of pancreatitis and how once you get it, you'll keep on getting it, and it's the worst pain ever blah blah blah, just have the surgery already!

Anyway I had the most peculiar experience, lying all huddled and miserable in bed one morning this week. I felt a stone move through my entire bile duct. And that's not a good feeling, let me tell you. I was petrified--hahahahahaha! Because of stones! Yay! Anyway yes, I was petrified because out of nowhere, or rather endless aching over there, suddenly a very large sharp moving pain. It moved a couple of inches fairly quickly while I was lying there with my eyes all huge, thinking "ACTIVITY IN MY UPPER ABDOMEN." Or something equally incoherent. Like WHAT IS GOING ON?

I'm still all sick and nauseous and it hurts all the time but until I get awful things like a fever or jaundice (no thank you) there's no real need to get it checked out, apparently? I can tell you that if I had insurance right now, I'd be at the doctor's office, because I'm an anxious type of being, but I probably wouldn't really need to go except for reassurance. And stuff.

So I've been doing a lot of not much. Especially eating. Though I did decide to go chop a tree in half today. Because GUESS WHAT???

Actually it's not really related to the guess what item. My mom brought my uncle's old axe back from Maine, except I guess technically it's a maul, or whatever a big heavy axe is that you use for splitting wood. They make skinnier axes for chopping, see.

And that's the GUESS WHAT portion! My brother gave me a gorgeous red-handled brand new shiny sharp axe for Christmas! Yay! Yay! Yay! I love my new axe! He didn't wrap it for obvious reasons and emailed to say *something* was on the way back with my mom and that I could have it right away instead of waiting. So you know I was out there unpacking her trunk with alacrity.

And first I saw: uncle axe, yay! And then I saw: gorgeous red axe, holy whooping yowza!

I haven't used the red axe yet. I was just out with the dog and decided to try out the uncle axe/maul first on the tree that fell across the path by the giant rock pile. Those are the rocks that previous farmers hauled out of the fields and heaped up. It's a pile as big as the house. It's awesome. Just don't think about snakes when you're up there. Because I've seen great big rattlesnakes here, right under the back porch, in fact, and I'm sure there are more living in the rock pile.

Pennsylvania: home to six foot long rattlesnakes. It's true. Eeek!

I'm regretting today's chopping, as much as I adored it. Oh my golly. I LOVE chopping with axes. And the maul is especially great because it's so heavy. Which sounds daft but you get this rhythm of swinging it around in a big circle. I think I raved about this awesomeness before.

You couldn't really chop a tree down with the maul unless you were Paul Flipping Bunyan. But the red axe! The red axe of courage! I could totally chop a tree down with that! Oh man!

I'm excited not just because it's a gorgeous red axe but because my brother knew I would love a gorgeous red axe, see what I mean?

Also, of course, now I have TWO axes. Which makes me want to call each one an axis and pronounce axes like x and y. Axeeeez. I also want to show up at a jazz performance with my axe, ha ha! Though I always loved when our dorky high school jazz band members would call their school-owned tenor saxophone or trombone or whatever their "axe." Oh we were so very dorky and adorable. Me in my untucked short-sleeved pink oxford shirt with the white collar, playing the bass guitar with my big plastic-framed glasses on and Birdland on the music stand.

I was not great at bass, let me tell you. My hands are much too small. I couldn't even play all the notes in first position without moving out of first position, which tells you something if you know what on earth I'm talking about. And since I knew I was terrible, I kept the amp turned low, so nobody could hear me anyway. Heh.

There's a black kitty on the driveway! Whose kitty are you? Do you live in the barn? If I go out there, will you run away or come and be my kitty? It's hunting mice. Gawain loves chasing the mice in the tall grass, because half the grass is tipped over and matted so you can hear them but not see them underneath. He likes listening then pouncing. I seriously doubt he will ever catch a mouse. I hope not!

I saw the most gigantic hawk yesterday, sitting in a tree right along the very twisty road down by the trout hatchery. A redtail I think, but well over a foot from head to end of tail. More like 16 or 18 inches. It was enormous. I slowed down to look at it and it turned to look at me, one eye then the other then the first again. I said something eloquent, like, "Whoa! Big hawk!" and then sped up to 25 again.

Kitty is coming this way! No, now it's lying on its back and flopping around on the driveway. I might have to go say hi. Without dog, obviously.

Kitty ran off when it saw me. So pretty!

Here is the awesomest thing lately: Mastering Creative Anxiety. I started reading it last night and immediately sat up and took notice because it is full of really interesting insights and excellent ideas. The first chapter it starts going into them one by one is about mattering. Like, if you are writing things for a long time and it's not really going anywhere, you might start feeling like it doesn't matter if you do it or not, which is a great feeling, let me tell you. Oof. And makes it super hard to write.

But the book says you determine what matters in your life, which should have been obvious to me before. Of course I do! I decide what matters! I decide if quilting is important, or bunnies, or Sherlock, or axes, or knitting hats that look like iron helmets with wings on the sides and braids coming down, or playing Sweet Adeline on the bagpipe chanter! So I decide that writing every day matters to me!

It kind of knocked me sideways, that realization. And then I put down the book and wrote a bunch of stuff.

There are these sort of creepily orientalist stories in each chapter that are actually cool and useful despite that. The mattering one was an eye-opener. It's all been eye-opening so far and I'm on page what? 24.

Awesome.

Chopping trees has aggravated the big sore achy gallstone zone. I keep feeling like I got stabbed with a broadsword. Like someone left-handed stuck a sword right in there under my ribs on the right side and pulled it out again. I suspect the sword cut line is identical to the bile duct line. This better not turn nasty on me.

Amish man with an orange vest walking down the driveway across the street, probably to the phone booth they put on the corner of my mom's land. I'm surprised he wasn't riding a scooter. Did you know they ride scooters all over the place? Yep. The kind you stand on and kick with one foot. Bikes with chains are verboten but I did see a gang of four teenage boys on them one day. Amish rebellion!

I also had to pass an Amish guy driving a forklift down the road yesterday on my way home, so there's that. It was one of the lumber yard guys going back home from bringing supplies to the people building a garage. His father or father-in-law is one of the elders so he better hope he doesn't get in trouble! (I'm not sure which guy it was. They all dress alike and are of similar build and heritage and have the same beards and hair unless they're old and it's gray or they're too young to be married and don't have beards.)

And no, I don't have a broadsword. I have a short sword. Also a gift from my brother, obviously! It's ridiculously sharp, a foot long, with a blue glass jewel thing in the hilt and a fancy scabbard thing. Oh boy, it's awesome! And not here. Sad! How will I manage to defend the castle with only a bow and six arrows, seven guns (three of which are not usable), only one of my five or six hatchets, and two axes? Axeeeeez.

I didn't tell you about the uncle guns, did I? Oh boy. Weakness! Weakness on my part! My brother had this giant haul of uncle weaponry and kept going, Do you want this one? How about this one? And I was all, Cooooooooool, and now I have seven guns. Or maybe nine. Or six. I'm not sure because I had two to start with after all. Oh dear.

Two are little Horatio Hornblower kind of highway robber pistol things my uncle made from kits, not capable of being fired as they are. Those are out and visible. The rest I got him to put in my dad's gun safe so I don't even know what's in there or how many or anything.

There's also a movement afoot to give me my dad's handgun. Yikes. It's locked up, too, and has two locks on its case on top of that. I don't like handguns, though I guess I've done most of my shooting with this one, at the ranges. I mean I don't look at one and go Coooooool like I do with an old WWI or WWII rifle that'll kick your shoulder off. Or this fancy old French one with all the metalwork. Or the...never mind.

My mom keeps a loaded shotgun around in case of bandits so, I mean, you can blame my upbringing or whatever, I guess. Welcome to redneck America. Don't even ask how many rooms of this house have guns in them.

I totally want a bumper sticker that says Armed And Liberal but I also don't want to provoke the lunatic right, heh. Also, hello, I got reduced to a quivering wreck around gunfire a few days ago in the woods (totally scary when not at a range) and had to resort to cheese and Kahlua and was still shaking hours later.

That pretty black kitty is out on the driveway again! Oh, kitty, won't you be my friend?

Time to go walk the dog, though. Yay, dog! With our orange vests on, of course. I feel like that black kitty should be wearing one too. In fact I had the bizarre conviction that it was Amish because it was dressed in all black. Dude! Go make another cup of tea!

Monday, November 26, 2012

And it was all...orange

Apologies for the Coldplay earworm. What was all yellow, anyway? I never did grasp the point of that song, but it sure is catchy.

Everyone I see is either Amish or wearing blaze orange, or, interestingly, BOTH. Blaze orange vest over the all black outfit with the blue shirt and the straw hat. I don't even notice the outfits anymore (except when I have bonnet envy) but the orange vest over it jars me somehow. Good safety practice this time of year, though.

Things are a little weird lately what with the stomach pain thing, but eh, it'll pass. I figure it'll either go away and not be a problem or it'll get way worse and I'll have to see a doctor and they'll figure it out and fix it and it'll go away and not be a problem. Either way, I don't really see how vegetables and fruit and yogurt, even Greek yogurt, could be causing any of this. Given that that's what I live on.

Oh and of course the rescue cheese Saturday. WHAT was up with that panic attack, man? That was totally weird and uncalled for. Un called-for!

Anyway I'm tidying up and cleaning and putting every dang thing away before the maternal returnal tomorrow. I seem to have cut about a million flannel quilt squares, but then again I need (I think) 225 of them so I probably still don't have enough. Also most of them seem to be a soft sky blue. Which is nice, but the point of a quilt is variety in your squares. I can't use new flannel, either, because this is old, worn flannel and they'd be way too different.

So we shall see. Oh, I'll make a quilt out of it no matter what, but we shall see how big and how coherent it turns out to be.

Nobody actually punched me in the gut, did they? Only metaphorically. I would remember. I did carry heavy things up the stairs but that was ages ago. And I think if I'd torn something, I'd have known about it right away, and certainly during all that bending and lifting I did at work.

Oh oh oh, Sherlock! I've been watching series two. I mean, yesterday I put the dvd in and didn't stop watching it for like twelve hours, even though it's three hours of material. Yep. One of those!

I really like that show. I wish there was an awful lot more of it.

Also where is my season four of Battlestar? How did I end up here with seasons 1-3 and the movies but not season four? Mysterious. Unsettling. Troubling!

Not that I'm watching it right now. FAR too upsetting. I just returned Torchwood: Children of Earth unwatched because I couldn't face watching Captain Jack grow back from being blown up, all raw and screamy. Or, you know, all those great characters getting offed one after the other. Nooooooo!

But Torchwood: Miracle Day is coming in the mail and you know I'm totally going to watch it and get all wigged out by the wringers it will put me through. That's a given!

Sherlock reminds me endlessly of Doctor Who (for obvious reasons) partly because his worst enemies keep showing up and menacing him and then sort of skulking off in various threatening ways. You guys, it is not that scary when the terrifying enemy is all, "Next time! When we meet again! Mwahahahahaha!" and then leaves.

It makes me glad I don't really write villains. I think I used to, but then I stopped early on and wrote people up against complexity, mysteries, complications, and suchlike. Huh. I have to think about that.

I like villains in mysteries where you don't know who it is and it could be anyone. Isn't that cool? It's a lot more interesting. Everyone has their motives! Everyone could have a dark side!

Boy, I could really use some more of that mac and cheese. Do you get food fantasies when basically fasting? Fastsgiving! I couldn't even look at the turkey when I dealt with it today. GROSS. DO NOT WANT. At least it's taken care of now and out of range of sight or smell.

It's quite possible it's just major stress landing on my stomach. I think if I were a doctor and someone came to me with these symptoms and this life situation, I'd think that before anything else. 

This is awesome. I love it. Well articulated, except the last few lines, which are terrible.

Okay, back at it. So much to do! So much already done! So much left to do! Hup hup, little bunnies!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Paw!

Excited puppy whapped me in the face with a paw. Ow! I have claw mark welts down my cheek. Or at least it feels like it. I haven't gone up to the mirror to check.

What's going on with you today, bunnies? I'm planning on cleaning and washing dishes (there are strangely few of these) and I have to deal with the turkey at some point, cut it off the bones and freeze up most of it.

Otherwise I've been sitting by the heater, reading the entire Mimi Smartypants oeuvre (as I seem to do every once in a while) and reading a book and knitting hats and drinking tea. Blissing out, in other words.

I still feel like I ate a basketball. I've felt like that for weeks now. What's with the basketball? Seriously. Of all weeks to feel ridiculously full before you even eat a single thing. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of food appreciation! And possibly excess! But I've had to be ascetic to a ridiculous degree. I froze nearly all of the food I made, except the turkey, which is on its way to the freezer shortly.

Humph. On the plus side, so much excellent food in the freezer! Yay!

Oh well, it's probably some bug or something from the cat drinking out of my water glass when I wasn't looking. Ew! I don't suppose it's related to the med change, is it? I'll look that up.


I took some acidophilus but it just made me horribly sick. But then I noticed the bottle of capsules expired two years ago. Threw that out. Had some yogurt instead.

Lum de dum.

Let's do fun stuff! Like wrap those Christmas presents! Oh boy! And keep on knitting and reading books simultaneously! Good times!

My brother emailed all these awesome pictures of the kids from little nephew's second birthday. That little dude has my hair, you guys! Wavy hair the color mine was at that age, exactly! AWESOME. Mine actually got a bunch of shades lighter suddenly. I noticed it yesterday. Maybe from mowing the grass in the sun and going for walks with Mr. Puppy.

Oh boy, I miss those little bunnies. Screaming maniacs that they are. So fun and cuddly! And who else will color with me? I know!



Saturday, November 24, 2012

Things that fall

Snowflakes! Falling from the sky! And also trees, falling from the ground...to the ground. I went around noticing them one day last week. Or this week, because it's still Saturday even though I think it's Sunday. Not Sunday, you guys! Well, maybe in Australia.

Anyway there are a lot of dead trees on the property, standing up but totally devoid of bark or any real reason for verticality. Most of them aren't right by the house but some are. I should really point them out to the homeowner when she gets back into town. But it'll just make her worry and she's not in a real doing things kind of mode anymore. Is inactivity an option? Let's do that!

I'm not sure I could cope with a tree. I mean, there are the means, but let's face it, chainsaws scare me. And I've used one in the past. But it was a long time ago. And I think once you've used one, you KNOW how scary they really are. They buck and stuff. You don't just hold the thing out there and it cuts. You have to be strong enough to hold it against the tree or the wood you're cutting up, while it's trying to bounce off.

In sum, I'm worrying about the enormous dead trees mere feet from the house but there's not much I can do about it.

Okay!

Also now that it's snowing, I can't help flashing back to the week I got snowed in here with no power. Which I think was more like four or five days but shhhh. It happened during a week, didn't it? Yes! Which anyway makes me think of firewood, because there's very little of it right now, see? You need it to stay warm here when the power goes out.

Which brings us back to the chainsaw.

Please excuse any typos. I can't see this morning. I mean, my glasses are upstairs, is what I'm saying. I got caught in a waffling maelstrom and wound up sitting down at the laptop which I left on the kitchen table in my time of unwonted freedom to leave stuff around.

Waffling maelstrom: make oatmeal and have a shower while it's cooking, or just wait a bit (to let the morning no-food-allowed thyroid meds take effect) and have a DELICIOUS TURKEY SANDWICH?

I think we all know what I decided. They are so fabulously good! And because the pie (or rather the crust of the pie) I had for breakfast on Thanksgiving made me feel horrible and not like eating most of the day (I had Szechuan green beans and mac and cheese) I have endless acres of turkey. I mean, I would have even if I'd eaten my fill. But I did not. Or I did but my fill was none.

I really can't see this screen. Yowza.

I saw an Amish person across the valley driving a team of horses pulling a flatbed cart with one of those big rolls of hay on it. And yesterday I saw the mailman, who looked alarmed (or maybe surprised?) at the sight of me but did not have any facial expression below the eyes. That's normal for rural men in Pennsylvania. They don't move their faces. I noticed this a million years ago, I think by going somewhere else. I don't know if it's stoicism or chew but I find it somewhat alarming, like being surrounded by expressionless zombies.

Speaking of which, I had the most cinematographical zombie nightmare last night! It was full of camera angles and this really clever way into the story, where you thought it was about something else entirely, someone doing something foolish and dangerous, so you're following that, and then the zombie story creeps in when people start getting sick. It was completely terrifying.

I think it's hilarious when my dreams have actual shots in them.

Community keeps doing that forbidden axis thing which always makes me jumpy. Like you'll be looking at two people and they'll switch places. I don't know, I've been cutting quilt fabric and watching this same dvd over and over so I'm starting to see things I wouldn't ordinarily notice.

I'm all at loose ends over here! That sounds like a knitting reference, really. I have this directionless panic thing that keeps bobbing up. Mostly I can quell it by explaining calmly to myself what to do, like, take a deep breath, make a cup of tea, and try to find work again. That really helps. I KNOW THAT'S WEIRD.

There's also the absolutely delightful and absurd self-talk thing that therapists like to tell me to do. It's so silly and awesome that it makes me super happy sort of by accident. Because you're supposed to sit there and tell yourself all kinds of positive things. I think I would laugh if someone stood there in front of me and told me I was awesome in a whole range of ways too, just out of the silliness and awkwardness of it.

Anyway that's really fun. You should try it! The theory is that SOME PEOPLE are sort of doing the opposite all the time, saying negative things to themselves. I suspect that's true.

So it's sort of like talking to the dog or cat. Who's a good puppy? YOU'RE a good puppy! Who's my fuzzy kitty? Oh you're such a nice kitty. Except not really like that at all. And it's supposed to be more specific and about things you're good at but anxious about. (What could that possibly be?)

Kitty just walked into the kitchen and gave me this look of utter betrayal. Because dog and I had turkey while he wasn't here. But kitty, look! I airlifted him onto the table and showed him his bowl, which has all kinds of turkey in it. Yay! Happy kitty!

Other things that fall: me, unfortunately. I was just thinking, No I don't, not anymore, then I remembered a whole bunch of times I've fallen down in the last two months. I mean three. Ha ha, whoops.

I gave myself a fantastic haircut yesterday, though. Just like from the ears down. It went from this dorky pseudo-mullet grown out mess to a trim and pretty shape in ten minutes of sudden haircut impulse. Seriously, after the mailman looked at me with alarmed eyes (which really just means he was expecting to see my mom, or not expecting to see anyone) I went up to to the bathroom to see if I'd forgotten to comb my hair after my shower or had a dog toy stuck to my forehead or something. And this piece of hair was sticking out low in the back. So I lopped it off. And then just did the rest of the lower sub-ear-level area, tapering up. And it looks awesome.

There's a tree that split and fell over the path, but didn't fall all the way down. It's resting on some other trees. I can shake it but can't dislodge it. I'm considering various probably unhealthy ideas for dealing with it involving ropes and saws. But since I plan to live forever, I don't think I'll do them. You know I hurry under it though and out the other side. Zoom!

Hahahahaha...the mailman just brought a box and absolutely tiptoed up to the house and put it down as far from the door as he could get it and still have it on the porch. Yesterday he put the box clear the other side of the door, closest to the house. I think that's so funny. Our mailman is antisocial! The dog didn't even hear him.

And there, now I've seen a human today. And all but one of the outgoing presents have arrived. Hurray! Now we just have to walk down and get the mail.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Ding dong

What is with me calling everyone "ding dong" lately? Is that my retro insult of choice? It's so funny to me because it's so 1972. But then of course I probably got it from Community, that wedding episode where Jeff yells, "Prove it, ding dong!" at Britta. So surely I'm miles behind the curve.

The curve is also not ready for me to wear my cropped red jeans with blue suede Doc Martens and white ankle socks and my Oberlin sweatshirt, in case you were wondering. About the curve. The curve is like, "That is not before or behind or beyond. That is just weird." Bite me, curve! I DO WHAT I WANT.

Why, yes, I am enjoying a delicious sugary adult beverage, how nice of you to ask! It's Kahlua and Bailey's mixed, which doesn't appear to be an actual official drink because there's always something else, like vodka, if you look at official recipes. I was curious. I'm not adding vodka to this. Why on earth would you do that? I have no idea.

The Bailey's is way too creamy for me. Gack! Imagine drinking it without mixing it with other things. And I've got about 1/4 Bailey's to 3/4 Kahlua. Yowza. They put some cream in there, you guys!

I just have to point out that I've had the song from the Community episode "Studies in Modern Movement" stuck in my head for over a week now. Particularly the part that goes, "Jesus loves marijuana...and drinking human blood." Such that I hear the refrain "Jesus loves marijuana" over and over. Ack! Make it stop! I even resorted to Beyonce AND Destiny's Child today but it didn't quite eradicate the Jesus loves marijuana song. Help!

I might have to listen to some Meatloaf. That ought to override everything else. Meatloaf override!

Well, we had a busy day, dog and I! First to this park I didn't know existed, along the filthy west branch of the Susequehanna, just downstream from the waste treatment plant, where there's a boat launch! Thankfully my dog will not go in the water. I called the new bank in Maine that my old bank sold me to and got them to reset my password again. Though it turns out they don't really have online banking. If you pay a bill online, they mail a check. Dude!

Then a visit to the liquor store, feeling semi-furtive! A kid was in there asking for an application while I was cheerfully dissipating my wealth on highly caloric alcoholic beverages. Turns out you have to apply online! Good to know! Then off to fill up the gas tank. Then off to replace the desktop computer's wireless modem thingy, which broke, and pick up my new, more massive prescription. Formidable!

Then to the fancy pet store, where I returned ill-chosen merchandise and purchased a new Nylabone ring for the dog. He was beside himself in the store! And everyone petted him and adored him! Yay!

Then to the oil change place, where they said I have plenty of transmission fluid and I said, "Crap." Because that means there's something more costly going awry in there. And got an oil change. And got the tires filled up. Because apparently the gauge on my compressor is waaaaaaaayyyyyy low.

And then we went home and I rearranged all my stuff that's in the garage, reducing it 75% in volume by organizing the heck out of it. And did laundry. And, I don't know, stuff.

Busy day, in sum.

I love that 8 gigabyte flash drives are $5.50 at Walmart now when 2 gig ones were $70 not that long ago. I got teensy blue ones that will hold everything ever. That's awesome.

Oh and I quit my dreadful employment situation this morning. Shhhhhhhh.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Anxiolytic

That is such a great Scrabble word. I wish I played Scrabble! Also homeobox, which I read in Your Inner Fish the other day. It refers to something about genetics. I dunno. I have no context! I'm like a child!

Big Lebowski.

This chair is causing issues. It's too cold and too hard. Ow. I'm considering getting my dad's old big comfy office chair but a) obvious reasons and b) it's really big and might take over the room and/or not fit under the desk. All in all the negatives are giving me pause. But dang, this chair! I'm sitting on a quilt, too.

Anyway I might need more anxiolytics because BOY the crippling anxiety, it is crippling! I went for a walk today to try to shake it off when describing stuff to my mom set off a cascade of stuff. I get into this weird adrenaline surge flight thing where I'm sort of like quivering on the starting blocks and the best thing to do is GO and try to burn it off, because ooh, if I don't, it just goes around and around and makes itself way worse.

The walk was awesome because of a big flock of white turkeys (who will get butchered tomorrow, bawww...but they don't know) and a gigantic beautiful brown draft mare who wanted to come say hi but my dog was making these weird yelping yowls at the sight of her. Also, electric fence! Which the horse and I knew about but the dog does not. So I just told her how beautiful she was and she looked at me a lot and thought about apples and carrots.

I mean, I assume.

I am mid-wiggins over here but presumably it'll settle itself out. I'm going to be all weirdly On My Own for a while, which is also bewigging me, I think, though I'm looking forward to it. I know! How contradictory, huh?

So maybe I'll go check out that chair right now, because of the ow. Wobbly laptop is no good except on the desk now. The screen goes stripey then dark if it gets joggled. Which puts me at the desk if I want to use it. Issues! Issues of comfort! Comfort and joy! Comfort and joy!

I did some awesome online Christmas shopping today, whee! ThinkGeek did this funny math where I got $10 off if I spent X amount, but I was like $1.20 short, so I added some tiny Easter Island heads and the cost got nullified AND I basically got paid eight dollars to do so.

I got paid eight dollars to buy tiny Easter Island heads for free.

This is the sort of thing that will set me gazing into the middle distance, you realize. And every time I look at my row of tiny Easter Island heads, I'll go into a base commerce math reverie. Hmm, I'll think. Hmmmmmmm.

They're also somehow giving me a free t-shirt with zombie snowmen on it. It's all a mystery to me. I had to quit shopping or I would have gotten everything in the store for free.

Gosh!

Did you know there's salt in Dasani water? It's true. It's in the ingredients list. Salt! Also magnesium sulfate and potassium chloride. Jeez! I've been re-using this bottle for ages (which you're not supposed to do) but just noticed the ingredients. What can I say? The label...it's blue. Ah!

I think Sudoku might be an anxiolytic. It forces concentration. You can tell I'm all worked up because I did a hard puzzle (top difficulty level) in sixteen minutes. A new personal best! Yoicks.

I'm just going to go play some more. Do you say play for Sudoku? It sounds wrong. Like playing crossword puzzles. Speaking of which I totally want to do a real jigsaw puzzle while I have undisputed use of the dining room table, but I might not. Or I might. Who can say?

Should be an interesting week!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Tsk tsk

I know! Absenteeism! I do apologize for the radio silence. I've been so super busy you can't imagine and asleep the rest of the time, with Online Job filling in all the other space. And dog and cat snuggling. Lots and lots of that.

Today my mom and I were driving around doing errands with the dog in the back seat (because I couldn't bear to go out and leave him AGAIN) and when I came back to the car one time, he put his paws up on my shoulders and my mom said, "He's *hugging* you!" Which he was. And I was hugging him. My dog!

He's such a good boy.

I got him new tags, yay! And I did something very fun. I found a stuffed dog or possibly fennec fox that's the size he was as a puppy, put his puppy collar on it, and put his old tag on the collar. That's all wrapped up to give to my little niece. Cool, huh? She can snuggle him in effigy!

Last night I got 100% on my judgy sleep app. Woohoo! Fist pump of unintentional accomplishment! Achievement in the area of sleep! I love that. It is fascinating in a totally navel-gazing kind of way to see how different my sleep rhythms are when I have to get up early for work versus when I can sleep in. Even though--this is the fascinating part--I often wake up the exact same time when I can sleep in. Isn't that strange? I know!

The sleep app is great because it makes me really conscious of how much sleep I get and what quality sleep it is. So I make a real effort to get to bed on time or even early. And weirdly enough I'm sleeping much better. Yay, sleep app!

This week I had to double my meds, which was a very strange experience, like having a tiny nuclear bomb go off inside your head for two days. Like my skull was full of orange light. Also I had a blinding headache and my eyes hurt and I had wicked dry mouth and in general I was Not Quite Right. But now I'm fine. And I get to lay off the not-so-good meds, in a tapering kind of way.

I love my doctor who is actually a PA, not a doctor at all. She's completely awesome. I went to see her at 7:15 one day. Is that a small town/country thing? Do people in cities have doctor's appointments at 7 am? I was going to go at 7 but the scheduler person said she wanted to give my PA person time to get a cup of coffee, hee.

I've had a strange time lately. I'll have to tell you about it some time.

Are you totally excited for Thanksgiving? I am! You know it! I got a gigantic turkey and sweet potatoes and green beans and cranberries and mac and cheese. I forgot to buy some sort of fancy alcohol like Kahlua or something but there's time. You know in Pennsylvania you have to go to a state liquor store for any alcohol except beer, for which you have to go to a bottle shop or else buy it by the case from a distributor.

Pennsylvania has the weirdest liquor laws ever. I feel oddly sketchy going into a state liquor store, like it's an adult bookstore or something. Vice! Vice in bottles! Liquid vice! But the town has 15 minutes free on the parking meter along the road the liquor store is on, you just push this button on the meter, so I get all excited about that. Fifteen minutes! Free!

I'm also going to make pumpkin pie. YOU KNOW IT.


If I wasn't so interested in hitting the hay early, I'd bake one tonight. I got a bunch of pie pumpkins at Lowe's for a dollar each and roasted them and froze them in pie-appropriate quantities. Mmmmm, pumpkin pie....mmmmmm.

I don't really have any news, do I? I set up my desk, that's a big deal, but you know, only to me. Because it means I can use this broken-down laptop without constantly raising the monitor back up or balancing the external keyboard on my lap or in general experiencing so much computer-based frustration that I don't really do anything with it at all, which unfortunately includes (or do I mean excludes?) writing. My brother said I should go out and get myself a Macbook or whatever. I'm thinking about it.

I got all sticker shocked today from buying a turkey pan and an ironing board, though, so I don't know. And pants. I actually bought pants. I was telling my mom on our way into Kmart (I know, but...) that I just refuse to buy pants for no really good reason. It's true, too. I haven't bought pants since I lived in L.A. And the only ones I have that fit are a) two pairs of extremely patched up and worn out jeans that are kind of too big, and b) four pairs of cropped pants that are pretty much too hot for summer and too cropped for winter. Also they have to be ironed. And I didn't have an ironing board.

So I got some pants today. I'm feeling iffy about it. I have this conviction which I realize is daft that if I buy pants I'll instantly lose a ton of weight and won't be able to fit into them. Which my mom pointed out would be totally fine, right? And I thought, oh, actually that would be. So now I have pants. Not that I've tried them on. Also one pair is pull-on navy blue corduroys with an elastic waist. From Kmart. So even if they fit they might be appalling, know what I mean? Or else just super comfortable to the point that they look like pajamas.

We shall see!

I got to the register and said, "Pants! Pants, pants, pants." And the girl looked at me with alarm and didn't say anything back. Whoops. I guess I was acting daffy. But, pants! So dramatic in my life! Oh dear.

I still have Christmas thinking and then shopping to do. I seem to be oddly short on ideas this year. Where are my ideas? I don't know!

We went to a weird Amish junk store with a clerestory today. I was all, "Clerestory! Yay!" and then realized not everyone gets wild about seeing Gothic cathedral features on an Amish junk store. But the Amish are adding clerestories to a lot of their new buildings lately. I think that's awesome.

The store was supposed to supply ideas, if not items, but in fact all I got was a little school bus for my nephew, who's into them in a big way, and some tape, and a blue saucer. I held the three things all through the store and when I got to the register I almost couldn't unclench my hand.

The Amish girl reacted to me the same way the Kmart girl did, come to think of it. Maybe it's the butterfly appliques on my blue hoodie.

Maybe not!

That's the thing about these meds. It's a strange experience to have your behavior altered chemically, isn't it? I think so. I'm not sure how I feel about it but it was necessary, believe me, so I'm going to roll with it. And I'm here writing this, which is much more like myself than not being here writing this, like the last couple weeks. So yay!

I'm also reading Meg Cabot books, which are major mood improvers and roll-with-it instigators in every kind of way. Oh such good books! I'm reading the Heather Wells series right now. Must go acquire newest one! Hup hup!

Rolling with it! I'm working on that. So there you go.