Friday, October 11, 2013

Corsetry amnesty

I have to say first off that this is all SO DUMB. But you'll see.

1. I have the most peculiar sensation of lack of pain around the corsetry area. I've been trying to find a new brand and style and whatever but nothing is even remotely comfortable. Like if you had continuum and at one end was bliss and the other end was excruciating, my corsetry has been hovering near that end much more than is strictly endurable.

But yesterday I got another brand/style/size and put it on today and OH MY GOLLY it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt! In any way! No pain!

Thus endeth the reign of terror and the persecution from my corsetry. I would love to heap up the perpetrators of persecution and burn them up in a fire, but my lungs wouldn't stand for it. Which leads me to:

2. I'm all angry and sullen and crankypants because I woke up horribly sick this morning, a wretched painful cough (hurts like an old brassiere!) and a nasty high fever and a buffalo sitting on my chest, gazing into my eyes bemusedly and making those snorty buffalo noises. 

Well, okay, I'm the one making the snorty buffalo noises. I'd just be my normal level of disgruntled about being sick, the way where I go, "But I wanted to go slaughter more invasive plant species today!" and then I grumph and happily read a book the whole rest of the day. But no, because I could not get in the car and drive. I could not really even get TO the car. 

It's been a problem all week, the walking around, due to no breathing and massive asthma. Walking between the car and my building at work just about kills me. And I know perfectly well that this type of many-day asthma attack and respiratory distress tends to lead to respiratory infection, nearly always bronchitis. I'm not sure whether it's fully into bronchial pneumonia yet, but the fever is a bad sign. And that powerful urge to hold perfectly still. 

Anyway. THIS SUCKS. It is NYCC weekend and I am not there. There's just no possible way I could drive there or deal with being there or visit with everyone I want to see without giving them the plague. I'm all weak and feeble and bedraggled. Oh oh oh.

3. Despite the raging disappointment on top of wretched flu *and* bronchitis symptoms, I guess I'm hanging in there. Gawain dog and I are all bundled up in quilts and pillows and shawls. I might watch The Hobbit finally but I'm not positive yet. I've been sleeping most of the day. My mom went out and got my antibiotic prescription filled! Gosh!

4. It seems there's all this other news and I haven't managed to tell anyone any of it! Is there really news? Here is some about boys I don't know.

I had a great complex dream last night where I ran into Ben Browder and told him I was writing a book based on him and his mysterious absence from my television and all that, but that became part of the book in my dream and now I'm very confused. 

It's like he heard I was writing this book and somehow that got worked into the whole story. Nests and nests! Anyway he was utterly gorgeous and sweet and kind and sad.

But not in that mopey Ethan Hawke way where you want to smash a lamp over his head.

Oh man! Emile Hirsch. Do you know Emile Hirsch? Well I just saw an amazing movie that was basically all him and now I want to go knit him warm things and make sure he's eating enough vegetables and things. Cute boys below a certain age just make me maternal, or whatever the auntly version of that is. 

5. I cut my hair short again last weekend but was so ragingly busy I never quite finished it. So today, first free minute I've had since last week some time (that is a total exaggeration) I got out the clippers with the angled thing on and trimmed down the sides and down. And OH what a difference it makes! It looks fabulous. Now instead of a skeevy dude I look like a cute boy. Which...okay, it's an improvement, right?

I got called "sir" ON THE PHONE today, that's how much I look like a boy. Fabulous new unmissable Grand Tetons scaffolding corsetry notwithstanding.

Put it this way: I would never go out with a boy with this trim a haircut, figuring he was some kind of stockbroker or something. It's like, I don't know, prep school boy haircut. I guess. Yeah, it would look right with a blazer and a school tie.

I mentioned the high fever, right? The joints all feeling like they've been hit with sledgehammers? The alienated teeth? Okay. Just so we're all aware!

6. My Nimona costume is freaking awesome. Seriously, it is fabulous. Fabulous! The silver collar piece alone just fills me with joy. I cut it out of aluminum sheeting, bashed a screwdriver through it to punch short holes like dashes, put script brads through them for those rivets she has, and used the same process to place brads to hold the collar on.

I'm so overjoyed with this, not just because it was fun to make and awesome to look at, but because it's brads! And I used my uncle's foot-long tin shears that you can't even open up with one hand. I mean they look like gigantic scissors, but are too stiff to open up one-handed. They cut the aluminum like a dream, though. If you happen to dream about cutting aluminum.

I found the right belt at Kmart yesterday, when I was still in a very weird zone from earlier.

Oh, back up.

Well, yesterday was my observation, which is a huge deal and determines hiring prioritization and all that. You know, so if there are two people up for the job, they look at things like this to decide. It matters! 

And I had forgotten my anti-anxiety meds. Very bad. So I took the emergency backup ones. You know. THOSE ones. The ones that come with all sorts of issues of their own.

And there were all sorts of other cat-herding issues going on that morning. Mercy. Those cats. 

And I broke my shoe. It was getting a little cliched at that point. I couldn't break a heel right off and do it properly because they were Doc Martens Mary Janes, so instead the elastic holding one of the buckles on broke off. Flappy flappy strappy. I fixed it in between cat herding sessions.

And *then* it was evaluation time. Ha ha ha! It went swimmingly.

And then I had one million errands to run, but first had to get in this midterm grade report for all my classes, which meant doing math and stuff. It was then that I first realized and completely denied how out of it I was. I mean, it took me hours, when it should have taken twenty or thirty minutes.

So I missed lunch. And then I ran all my errands under the emergency pills' influence, which led to winding up with some peculiar shopping items, like cheesecake and fake mustaches. (I have no idea.)

I probably haven't found half of the weird shopping loot. I know there was a box of Clif bars, ostensibly for my road trip, except that I'm not exactly trekking in the outback, here. I'd be driving four hours into  the heart of the most populous area for states in any direction. New York city? Anyone heard of it? THEY HAVE FOOD THERE.

Oh well, I also got the No Persecution Corsetry on that delirious errands run, so I figure I came out a winner. I still can't get over how it doesn't hurt. Not at all! Not even a little bit! What'll they think of next?

Sewing, packing, ironmongery, and off to bed in plenty of time. To wake up completely unable to go anywhere or do anything that I'd done everything possible to prepare for. Awesome.

In the sense of NOT AWESOME.

And the hotel called me sir. On the phone. I sound like a 12 year old girl on the phone, you guys. A shy one. 

Humph.

MOVING ON TO AWESOME THINGS NONETHELESS

A list of awesome things.

1. the design and execution of that costume, oh my golly! So great! I'm so proud.

2. Good teaching of things.

3. Belts. I know I got them (they came a brown and a black together, no option) for a costume but I might do that thing where you put a belt over your shirt and then the rumpling looks deliberate?

4. A small fixed-wing single-engine plane flew low up the valley yesterday morning while I was out with the dog and wearing my Professor McGonagall robes and pink shoes. Naturally. It came right up over head and turned and went down the other side of the valley a ways, then came back and did it again a couple more times. I was sort of unnerved until I realized from the way the person was leaning too hard on the throttle and letting up too much too fast that it was flying lessons. Then I was a little unnerved again for different reasons.

5. I got completely ungodly amounts of work done last week. Like every piece of grading in the entire solar system, twice. At least. Rah, rah!

6. I spent a long time talking to my new friend Deb and I am so delighted to have found her. Hurray!

7. There may be a job opening up that I can get, though it isn't teaching. (I'm okay with that. I have mobility issues, man. Seriously iffy legs this week.)

8. I'm down to one medical bill from Maine and from this year left to pay off. I have a powerful urge to pay it all off right now and just be broke for a while. I want them all GONE. 

9. I adore my book in progress. I'm doing a weird thing with NaNo this year, starting my book ahead of time and just starting to count from wherever I am then. I don't want to wait! 

10. I know when my job ends now, which is great for my peace of mind, since not knowing made it really hard to plan for an uncertain end date. 

11. These golden eagles keep flying over us in menacing ways. I yell at them, the rooster across the road yells at them, the geese up the road raise a big honking stink about it, and they pay no attention at all. Well, why would they? And my dog barks at them. It utterly fills me with joy when my dog barks at eagles and then turns to me looking for approval. 

12. This latest time, I had a cup of tea in my hand when the eagle flew over not twelve feet above us. It came from behind, too, which believe me they're doing on purpose. That scared the hell out of me and I raised my yellow teacup in the air and shook it all menacingly. I said, "I don't want to throw this cup of tea at you, but I will! I will! I'll do it!" and Gawain said, "Bark!"

13. Now that I totally have Tin-tin's hair, Gawain and I should be Tin-tin and Snowy for Halloween. I can't imagine what Tin-tin's iconic outfit might be though. Woolen knickers?

14. I went by the library on a whim yesterday and discovered that the donation-fueled book sale was absolutely packed with the most amazing books. I bought a whole lot of them. Outrageously good books! Unreal! Oh my! Our library is staffed by two really great guys. One is all cool and drawly and the other all cheerful and nerdy and I am smitten with them both. They get all excited about the books I find and then I want to stuff them into my satchel and bring them home too.

15. There's this funny teenage kid who works at Kmart who I always joke around with a lot. He happened to be the one who had to bag my new corsetry, ha! He got the little hanger caught in the plastic bag handle and couldn't get it unstuck, to his chagrin. I had to take over. Fortunately he's the kind of kid who can make fun of how embarrassed he is even while he's that embarrassed. 

16. I got the red boat chair that Mr. Kitty loves out of the garage and set it up for him in the living room, where he and my mom always spend their afternoons and evenings. And he loves it. So much! He spends all his time lying on it, curled up or stretched out, looking out the big windows. It's funny to me to see them both in their respective to-scale armchairs, spending all that time together but ignoring each other.

17. I only just today realized I can use my breakfast-in-bed type little table as a drawing table. It tilts up to quite a steep angle. Actually, why would it do that? Oh, I guess to hold your newspaper or magazine or whatever.

18. Seriously, Hobbit o'clock, peoples. Now now now!